Time to let go.

Okay, B and I had broke up.

In fact he had requested for it last Sunday but I just don't want to let go. I want to salvage it because he told me how he felt in this relationship and he was feeling quite unhappy about it. Yes, I cried my heart out that night. I just can't help it and my tears just kept flowing out on its own. I was definitely devastated.

The next morning, I tried asking him many times for a last chance to keep this relationship, he firmly said no.

I should have get the drift, he not worrying and coming over to pick me up when I told him that I was at a place where I dropped hint where I won't be able to go home easily, he did not comment when I said I had fever neither did he rush home when I told him that I wasn't feeling well.

And what he did last Monday was the blow. Looking at our messages on that day.. I really don't know how or what to react.

Of all things he did to me, I still believe in him and wants to keep this relationship going. That's pretty silly of me right?

I could have go crazy if not for the people around me. They kept me going, their support.

I had decided to let go.

It was hard but it hurts more to know what is he doing.

He said he wanted to be alone last night to think. When he finally message me, it was so different from his earlier messages in the day. Daytime were curt and short and unfeeling. Night sounded like he cared about me and that made me have some hope that he had finally think it through and wants to get back to me. But I was wrong. I saw the message notification on his phone (which he will hide it later anyway) and put a lock code on his phone. These are clear signs that he wants me out of his life and he hasn't stop what he is doing.

It hurts a lot and this is the worse heartbreak I had ever experienced. It was a dish of betrayal, sadness, unhappiness, heartbreak, lies, disgust, all served and fed forcefully into my mouth and made me digest all at once.

Even though I'd agreed to let go, the thought of what he had done made me go through the swirl of feelings of anger and sadness and heartache again. Yes I still love him even after what he had done.

I doubt I can make myself be with him again after he is done with what he is doing and wants to reconcile back with me. I don't want to touch the areas he had used. I can't bring myself to accept the fact.

So here I am, single again and deleting him out of my life.