Round X, fight!!

Sometimes the feeling just keeps getting stronger and stronger every passing day. We've quarreling almost everyday. There are times when it was really fun but times when it is not.

I would wonder, is it a mistake? That is another reason why I do not wish to make my relationship known.... Because it is still in its early stage and anything may happen anytime.

We are just so different. If current situation is like this, what can we look for in the future?

Connections and Doubts

Somehow it seemed to be something on his phone that caused him to behave this way suddenly. I was and am overwhelmed with curiousity to know what or who texted him hat triggered such response. Should I just see what did he read? Although I am his girlfriend, it is alright for me to just access his phone right? But it feels like a breach of his privacy. Damn!

sometimes I don't even feel close to him. He told me that he is not keeping any secrets from me however it doesn't feels that way. It feels like he is keeping something from me. Although I am keeping my blog a secret from him, it is nothing too serious right? Just that my blog is for everyone's eyes except his.

He said he want our relationship to be more than just lovers, he wants to be my best friend, one whom I will think of whenever something happen to me. I don't feel that towards him yet... Did we start out too early? Sometimes I don't even feels that I understand him. What's on his mind. He is hard to read and I only feel that we are close physically. As in seeing each other everyday, have breakfast, lunch and dinner. Whatsapp when one is not working, etc. I guess the word is 'connection'. I don't feel connected to him.

Am I thinking too much? Are our lifestyles too different? Will things work out between us? The latter hasn't been on my mind until tonight. Perhaps I did not give much thought about our relationship? Was I enjoying his company too much that I had forgotten to treat him seriously?

Could he be putting words on his mouth and no action be done?

Should I be "investing" my time on him???

And even until now I am curious to know what did he see that caused such reaction...

Don't comment unnecessarily

Yes, I'd just decided to let the whole world know that I'm dating, who is my new squeeze and most prolly everyone knows his age.

I was and am quite bothered by some people, even close friends who kept mentioning about his age and sometimes I wish I could just keep it low tone. Why do I still let it out when I'm bothered by it? I guess I just don't want to keep mum about it and I don't feel good about denying his existence? Anyhow, it is my choice to be with him and I guess I just have to learn to ignore all the gossip mongers with time.

A close friend just called and was itching to talk about my new beau.. And was saying how his girlfriend saw his picture and commented he was very young looking. And he was asking why did I pick such a young man to be my partner? And it was all weird and stuff and said that he did mind about his partner's age initially... I mean, if you understand how I felt and went through the same process, shouldn't you not ask those questions that normal people would ask? Or just keep your comments to yourself?

I hate it when they said things like 'where's your boy boy?'. Huh? What boy boy? Why use these stupid terms for a partner? Why not ask 'where's your girl girl?'. Doesn't it sound stupid? Why not just ask where's your boyfriend? Your xxxxx or your partner? And why must say something like 'I'd better not talk to you for long and let you talk to your boy 2x on the phone otherwise he'll wonder where have you been.' Huh? You think we don't communicate? You think we must talk on the phone for long?

And I'd attended my company's annual dinner and dance. I was contemplating whether should I keep a distance from him or just be the way we are. I'd decided on the latter. A friend from another table came over to ask me. I believe the people on his table were already speculating about us. So I just acknowledged his question. The look on his face was disbelieve. I just ignore that. He asked the same question 3 times for reassurance. Got the same answer and returned to his table and shared it with the rest. Wow... That was faster than email or whatsapp. The whole table turned over and some I knew was genuinely happy and others could be judging me already. And soon, it spread to the rest of the tables like wildfire. Fast. Faster than Flash could run.

Perhaps letting it know to everyone is a mistake or maybe I shouldn't really care what people said or how they think as long as I'm happy and I like the way things are progressing between us.

Fuck them bitches!!

Tweeter! Oh, Twitter!!

Yes, I have this twitter account which I rarely use and decides to stop following a web which I visit frequently because of the traffic of their tweets! They are so high that it's worse than my spamming tweets!!!!

Anyway, I'll just put my twitter account here and you're free to be my followers!! Hahah. Kind of reminded me of this mobile game called 'Godfinger'. Heh.

My twitter id is @ohimenana

Maybe I'll try to tweet when something funny, sad or angry comes my way. Something short. Starting to understand the meaning of a microblog..

Oh well, tomorrow is my first day of school!!!!!!!!!!! Quite excited and wonder how will my class be like!

And.... I'd changed my fb profile picture to one taken with a friend. Surprisingly a lot of my friends 'liked' the photo and some even thought we're together!! Lol... It was funny.

Stalker? Over kaypo? Insecure?

I wish to keep two of my precious - B & T away from his knowledge.

Everyone says I'm very expressive. Perhaps I am.. For when I text, I'll have either a smile, a frown or I'll mumble something to myself which the person beside me will hear. Sometimes I wonder whether is it a good thing...

At times, I'm so tempted to check out ALL his messages and see what were his conversations like - kinda he might as well leave his phone with me eh?
OR I'll stalk him at his twitters and facebook account to see what did he message or post.
OR I'll keep asking him what is he doing, or when he's typing something on his phone, I'll go check out what was he typing.

These sounds so stupid I know and it is very unusual of me wanting to do all these, or to even think about it! Maybe it is just the start. Perhaps it'll all die down as time goes by. For I do not like people checking my phone and all, much less for him to discover this blog. I used to let him just look over my shoulder and see what was I texting. Now, I don't. I'll either reply when I'm not with him or turned at an angle where he can't see what I'm typing. I'm sure he's not comfortable or willing to share his whole conversation he had with his friend. Funny thing is, I'm ok if he's looking at my conversation. In fact, sometimes I felt that I'd shared a bit too much information or too much details with him. Time to keep myself in check. Now is too early to tell. Wait for another few more months.

I'd proposed the idea of him moving in to my place which he agreed to it and that surprises me. I was expecting him to reject the idea strongly. And during my thinking time in the bathroom, I was thinking - is this a bad idea? Because my life will be exposed 100% to him and it is totally 99.99% no privacy nor secrets. So I'd decided to keep mum about the whole moving in issue. And he had said himself that if we're no longer together, he'll be at the losing end because he'll have to find a new place to rent a room. I was disappointed at first but during my thinking time in the bathroom? It was a good piece of news. I did not bring up that subject and one day, he began to say that he had so much clothes that my wardrobe will have no space for him. I was alarmed! Something that I'd kept mum about it.. Has he been thinking about this idea? Or it was just a random topic that was kind of dangerously close to the main subject.

When he told me that he had fallen for me and he is willing to take the step and give it a try. The exact same proposition I'd put up a week back and he'd rejected me, with the reason that he wasn't ready, there's someone he liked and was bringing up the "let's put a stop to this relationship" subject. I was so close to agreeing but decided not to due to some reasons. Partly was because I do not want to be a quitter and let it go so easily. Back to the main topic, I was there battling an internal war. After he'd rejected me, I regretted saying those words immediately and was actually glad that he'd rejected my idea. And he was in the process of understanding another girl he had know in school, liking her. 2 girls at the same time? Not something I'd feel secure and safe about. How ironic is... I'm accepted his proposal and am with him.

Was it too fast? Should I have just wait? Could he do the same thing next time? Although I know what had passed had passed, but I can't help wondering.

Just wait and see.....