出殡的除夕

I had wanted to stay over (守夜）on Saturday however changed it to today, Sunday instead. Partly was because the cortège's (出殡) timing for his cremation was scheduled at 830am and the funeral services will start from 7am. I do not want to overslept and miss it instead.

Here I was accompanied with two of my nephews and we just tried to find things to do to keep ourselves awake and busy. Can't rely much on electronic devices because of the limited power source. 

Today when I first woke up, I really do not feel like doing anything. I do not feel like going to the funeral too. And as I sat on my bed and browsed through my Facebook, tears just started forming by itself. I guess it took me two days to register the reality. And today's ritual was by another group of monks and it was longer than usual... Which I am guessing was due to tomorrow and that made me even sadder. 

I told not many but a few close friends of mine about my grandpa's demise and I guess after a while, I just stopped telling the rest because the responses are the same and I do not blame them for it was from all different individuals. They care and are concern about me but I'm tired of telling them the same thing.

I do wish that there is someone beside me throughout the whole services. Someone to give me the needed supprt. Someone who will stay beside me in case of anything. Especially tomorrow. Just someone.

Anyway I know that comes tomorrow, as much as I would like to cry buckets.. I will still hold back my tears as much as possible. For I will try not to cry. For I will not show my grandpa how sadded I am.

I just wish that he will come to my dreams on the 7th day to say hi. 

R.I.P Yeye

Got a call from mei asking whether have I seen the message in my phone, which I replied with a no. Then she told me, yeye (my grandpa) had passed away. Barely had time to register the news, I could still be logical and asked her to call in work first thing tomorrow to apply for compassionate leave instead of reporting to work first. On my end, I'd dropped my boss a message informing her about mine. 

Yeye seemed to have difficulty breathing since yesterday and he's finally letting go today. Since two years and more, he had been in and out of the hospital for fever, lungs not functioning, fell on the floor, fainted, etc and he was always released from the hospital because he had gotten well. Although it was painful to see him not recognizing us and slowly he became bedridden and later no response from him after we greeted him every Chinese New Year and some other events when we will see him. I am selfish to say that I want him to continue living because I don't want to let him go yet. He is my remaining grandparent and I am not ready to let him go. He was strong and he had held on for so long. On the other hand, I also want him to leave peacefully like grandma and at least do not have to suffer anymore. 

So with the constant in-and-out of hospital and was still well, I kinda took it for granted every time my cousin informed us that grandpa was admitted to the hospital again, he will recover and be home again. 

I remembered my grandpa. I always remember seeing him in his workshop trying to fix something. He was a strong man for someone of his age. And when I tried talking to him, he would laugh at times, though I'm not sure at what. We were like the chicken and duck talk (a Chinese idiom 鸡同鸭讲: meaning two person not understanding each other. Usually used in language breakdown). He speaks Cantonese and I don't. So many dad have to translate for us always. 

I've tried learning Cantonese but I don't use it on a daily basis so I can't pick it up except for asking whether have he eaten, was it good, was he full, how are you. That's all but he seemed contented with these sentences.

He was a hardworking and was a honest man. He built his company himself and even due for retirement he still stayed on until he can't. Rest in peace yeye. 

Time to start giving.

This new resolution of mine came 30 years late but I guess it's always better than nothing. ;)

It all start with this ice bucket trend and suddenly people from my workplace are doing it too. I'm not against it but I feel that if you're going to do this, perhaps you ought to take the time to read and under what is ALS. In Singapore, we term it as Motor Neuron Disease. I feel that it is quite a scary one too. I mean it doesn't happen overnight but gradually. Losing the abilities to touch, feel and move one by one.. It's almost like being a sitting duck, waiting to die and et you can't do anything to stop it. It take a very strong mind to actually be positive and try to live life to the fullest while your body slowly wilted away.

So anyway, doing the challenge is to create awareness and it's not doing it because of the trend and because it's fun nominating others. While doing it, did one actually make the effort to do their part by donating money to the organization? It not necessarily has to be the ALSA but it can be one of the local organizations too. I guess seeing them doing it for fun kind of fires me up. It made the whole meaning wrong.

So as I was saying, I got riled up and posted something in my Facebook with regards to this. Some of my colleagues were asking, what's with this ice bucket thig and what's ALS when I said its to create awareness for ALS. Which I had to explain to them what it is. And I was reading up on an article where there's one such non-profit organization in Singapore called Society for the Physically Disabled that deals with ALS too. I decided to do something, make a donation... Which I have always been wanting to do but kept procrastinating because of cases where organizations were not honest enough.

The moment I clicked on the donate button, I was brought to this page where I was asked to select an organisation to donate to. And I saw a whole lot of it.. I must admit, I was surprised. I didn't know there were so many non-profit organisations in Singapore. And I must admit, I wish I had find out about it earlier.

So I made a promise to myself, to donate $100 a month to one difference organisation. Although the amount may not seem big but it's the thought that counts and it makes a difference. I have a few organisations in mind that I would like to donate to and now I can't wait for the month to arrive so that I can do my part and start donating to help them. I guess that's the best I can do.

I always believe in karma and I hope to accumulate some good karma to make up for the bad one I had created when I was younger. And it sure makes me feels better when I do something good. :)

How about you?

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On a different note. I have decided to continue on with my Japanese lessons. At least to get it to a reasonable level before moving on to French since I'd stopped both halfway. And also, time to do something about my studies... One thing at a time bah. :)

Just hope I have the discipline to compete all the above!!

頑張ってね！*\(^o^)/*

What a bump!

Found this little bump on me after knocking into a metal door last night.

I was quite surprised at how it looked like as compared to bumping onto the table edges.

I could feel that area - covered by the clot was slightly swollen.. Sigh. Time to do some rubbing.  

Just last Sunday I finally visited the doctor regarding my wrist for it has been hurting for quite some time.. At least a month I presumed. 

It happened just suddenly where I felt a slight pain on my wrist which I just dismissed it lightly. The pain gradually increased and just stayed at that. It caused quite a bit of discomfort especially when I was carrying my baby nephew or when I'm writing.

I was unable to bend my hand backwards to almost 90 degrees as my other hand neither can I bend it forward like an upside down 'U'. I cannot twist it left and right without feeling the strain on my wrist and every night I will feel the pain... Almost like having rheumatism every night. 

Until last Saturday or rather early morning where I woke in the middle of my sleep in pain. I tried rubbing / massaging my left arm only to make it worse. My hand felt numb and I couldn't even ball my hand into a fist. I felt very scared for the first time. Most likely was because I was sleeping on my left side the whole time.

I visited the doctor about my wrist and doctor said it was due to inflammation and muscle strain since it was only the wrist and the area around the bone (like a tiny bump - sorry I don't know what is that called) is affected. He asked me to reduce my typing and carrying of heavy objects if possible especially it is on my muscle hand otherwise the wrist will not heal. It is quite impossible since I deal with that on a daily basis but with extra care now (trying to).

So I have a muscle relaxant to be taken twice a day and another for inflammation to be taken once every 24hrs.

Can't wait for my wrist to heal!!

MSS

A quick update.

I spent my day off yesterday playing Murdered Soul Suspect, by Square Enix. The way I see it, it sounds like Murdered Sole Suspect because there is just one suspect and because it involves a ghost, so it became soul suspect. I had actually watched the gamplay on YouTube and saw the ending but his game fascinates me that it did not push me away from playing this game, instead I want to play it even more! I want to find out what are those collectables are, what is the story behind it, I want to play the game and experience it myself. This game pretty much reminded me of Heavy Rain, more of the feel. Maybe because Heavy Rain is also about a guy who has someone important and he was working hard to keep that someone. As usual, I am bad at putting it into words.. But both games actually drawn me to it.

I have always been a fan of Square Enix but on the Final Fantasy series and I had tried other RPGs they had published but I had always left them during the first quarter of the game and stopped playing totally. So when I see that MSS was developed by Square Enix, I was a little skeptical at first and that was before I see the walkthrough and boy was I blown by them!

A quick summary of the game. I  don't want to spoil too much of the story so I am keeping it short.

Basically it is about a murdered detective named Ronan who, in order to move on to join his wife, Julia into the light (think: Ghost Whisperer) has to find closure. And that is to find his killer which is also linked to the chain of murders of young girls. Along the way, you will find side quests with stories link to the artifacts you find and I tell you, is a must find, collect and see! The ending is not crappy and in fact, it was quite ... Different from what I had thought to be!

I love all the ghost stories and guess what? I started the game since 1pm and ended it around 1am with breaks in between of course. Like lunch, dinner and shower. So I am guessing that I spent about 10hours on the game itself. Complete with full trophies (played it on PS4) including the platinum one. Like Heavy Rain, completed the game and found all collectibles. :D