出殡的除夕

I had wanted to stay over (守夜）on Saturday however changed it to today, Sunday instead. Partly was because the cortège's (出殡) timing for his cremation was scheduled at 830am and the funeral services will start from 7am. I do not want to overslept and miss it instead.

Here I was accompanied with two of my nephews and we just tried to find things to do to keep ourselves awake and busy. Can't rely much on electronic devices because of the limited power source. 

Today when I first woke up, I really do not feel like doing anything. I do not feel like going to the funeral too. And as I sat on my bed and browsed through my Facebook, tears just started forming by itself. I guess it took me two days to register the reality. And today's ritual was by another group of monks and it was longer than usual... Which I am guessing was due to tomorrow and that made me even sadder. 

I told not many but a few close friends of mine about my grandpa's demise and I guess after a while, I just stopped telling the rest because the responses are the same and I do not blame them for it was from all different individuals. They care and are concern about me but I'm tired of telling them the same thing.

I do wish that there is someone beside me throughout the whole services. Someone to give me the needed supprt. Someone who will stay beside me in case of anything. Especially tomorrow. Just someone.

Anyway I know that comes tomorrow, as much as I would like to cry buckets.. I will still hold back my tears as much as possible. For I will try not to cry. For I will not show my grandpa how sadded I am.

I just wish that he will come to my dreams on the 7th day to say hi.