So you're wondering what am I doing, still up at this ungodly hour. I couldn't sleep no matter how much I toss and turn. No one is awake at this time unless I'm talking someone overseas. :)
Anyway after hearing some stories, I guess it just made me decided to stand firm to my initial decision - not to get married. If a couple cannot stand each other after a certain years of marriage and decides to call it quits. Why do it now? Why not earlier? Why not try to make it work again? Unless there's a pull factor on one of the party or both parties to help them make the decision, the easy way out. That got me thinking, if I'm married or even if I'm not. I'm just in a relationship and I can't stand the guy I'm seeing anymore and there's someone who is trying to coming into my life. Would I have done the same? Nope. I wouldn't and couldn't. I don't know why but I just can't bring myself to do that. I won't be saying this if it hadn't happen to me before right? So I can confidently say that now but what if things change? A person change? What if right now I'm starting not able to stand the person? What if I feel that I have enough of that person? And a guy came into my life? Guess I will be standing at a crossroad then.
They said you'll be a very happy person if you met the right one. If you're with the right one. How would you know you've met the right one? Even the person who felt that he was with the right one, didn't turn out right afterall.
B said he looked older than his age and he don't want that. He wants to look younger than his age. I was.... Speechless. All the guys I know who are around his age wants to look older, more mature. Why would he want the opposite? I mean the person he's dating is not some 18years old girl but a 30 year old girl. Of course I would want him to look more mature so to match me right? He asked me to maintain and look young then. I can't believe my ears.
However, he made me realised what I want from my partner. I want him to be mature, have a good job with progress, to think far ahead, to do it with action instead of just putting words on his mouth. I dislike the fact that he's doing the same job as I am. Why can't he find a job where the work experience he gain can be put to use? The reason why he took this job initially was because of the money because he was paying rent. He isn't now and we are not getting a house, shouldn't he use this chance to find a job? I really resent the fact that our day offs are different and unpredictable. Makes spending the day together difficult. I guess that's how Mr Tan felt when he was dating me and yet, he compromise with me for 5 years.
Anyway I told him that a girl at work likes him. He said to talk less and stay away from her since I'm uncomfortable with it. Somehow I guess he was just saying it to make me feel assured. Because when I was studying at a cafe near his workplace, it wasn't quite what I'd seen. So I decided to take a look at him phone (not behind his back) and came to that conclusion. I shall try not to be bothered by it however I hope he will not make me to do the same thing when something similar happened to me.
And I'd regretted studying there. Like they say, ignorance is a bliss.
He wants me to trust him. How to do that?
Maybe he's still young. I don't know. But I guess I have to come to a conclusion soon, when enough is enough.
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