I just heard the news, when I was having a break from my lecture today. It was definitely demoralising to hear about someone whom many people respect to appear on the news for the wrong reason. He, who made an effort to remember your name even though he has never work with you before, who stand up for his staffs and standby them. I wish time will fly fast enough for him to restart anew. I will wish him all the best and he is someone whom I will never forget.
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Okay, I lied. I said that I will stop posting anything related to him. I can't.
Last night we were looking through some of his videos and all three were still tagged with R. I must admit that I felt some tightness in my chest. And the comments there did not help. I know that those were taken 2 years back and it will be rather unreasonable of me to make him take it down right or to remove anything that has to do with any of his ex-girlfriends. He is not a 1 year old kid, he had his past, I had mine too. I just have to get this fact through my head - they are history, the past and he is with me right now. I am the present. Should he feel anything for them, I'm sure he will respect me enough to tell me and not repeat the same mistake he made the last round (not with me).
Something happened recently. We had a lot of talks and I guess one of it nearly came to a near breakup? Thinking through what he said, I guess I had to be more open minded with him. He asked whether was I like that in the past, I said yes. Actually... I'd lied to him. No.. I wasn't like that. Mr T could go to her house alone just to have lunch and I did not feel any jealousy because I had 101% trust in him. I do understand that I cannot keep comparing two people together for they are of different personality. I just have to trust him, that no matter how late he was out or to stay over at a friend's place, he will return home to my side eventually.
Someone from his past, someone whom he used to like and date contacted him suddenly. Yes, I was very upset and insecure and I couldn't shake that thought off - that she may want to reconcile with him since she had broke up with her longtime boyfriend. Yes, people make mistakes and sometimes one will change, sometimes not. One can be with the partner for many years, however in between, they can still do the same even though they stayed with the same guy because HE is the one she loves but there's also someone whom SHE may like. Maybe I had heard too many stories or maybe it happened to me once that made me doubtful that people will change. Like a friend of mine, he can still stay married to his wife for many years but he can still have numerous girlfriends.
He tried all he could to assure me that his heart contained me and just me only. I still felt unsettled especially since they were messaging each other almost on a daily basis. Even after he told me that he will stop messaging her just so that I will not feel uneasy, I still feel uncomfortable. Was he lying to me when he said that he did not message her at all? Part of me felt very tempted to see his phone to see if he was telling the truth or to catch a lie. However I will be slapping myself in the face if I kick up a big fuss if he did message her because I was the one who said he can continue messaging her as long as there's no flirting. I have to learn to trust him. The messages I saw before were all just how I would talk to my friends as well. So I did not pick up his phone to see whether did he tell the truth last night and tried to stop thinking about it. I guess I just don't trust the girls around him, for they might want to flirt with him. I guess I have to have confidence in him, that he will stop contacting them if he realised that they are trying to flirt with him.
They said you will know if the person you are dating is "The One". I don't know if he is the one but I know he is special to me.
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Anyway I had wanted to post photos taken recently however it is quite late. It is already 02:04hr now. I shall do that on my free time and hopefully before the end of 2012!
This song has been playing over and over in my mind for the past few days. Sharing it with you! :)
And another song which B said was nice. Lyrics are quite meaningful. This song although was titled My Good Brother, it is also dedicated for my good sisters who stayed through my ups and downs and being very patient with me. For you, two special girls. :)
Annnnnnnnnnnd, I will be getting myself a new phone tomorrow! I am agonising over which phone to buy, Samsung SIII or iPhone 5???? Sigh... I shall see which fits better in my pocket. I'm sad to say bye bye to my blackberry but I am having a lot of problems with my whatsapp. My messages are always lost and it keeps restarting itself lately. :(
I am so sad to say bye bye to him (my bb) and I am definitely going to miss my full qwerty keyboard which makes messaging A LOT easier. Unless Blackberry will be having a phone with bigger inbuilt memory plus expendable memory, I do not mind staying with their phone. Sigh.
Blasted! B said not many people read my blog! Grrrrr!!!
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