Ready for parenting?

Before you start assuming that I'm getting married and settling down.. Nope. I am not.

It just came as a thought.. with what I saw on parents behaving with their child.

Yes, some may think that a parent is irresponsible by working and leaving their child in the care of their helpers or their parents.

Some may think that to have a child means going through their child's development, watch them grow, guide them and teach them.

If the mom works and the dad is a stay home dad, does that makes the mom an irresponsible parent?

How about it is the other way round? Stay home mom and working dad. Does that means dad is irresponsible?

Or both stay home and watch their child?

Who brings home the bread then?

No matter either one has to work.

What if, he/she is not earning enough to support the family?

Then both have to work to keep the money coming right?

So, who will look after the child? The grandparents.

Now, that leads to more questions.

Deceased? Senile? Dementia? Sickness? Old age? Inability to look after the child.

Who then?

Helper.

Some may think then, if the parents are earning enough to hire a helper, why not stay at home and look after the kid then?
Average salary of a helper is about S$450/month.
Levy about S$120/month if you meet the levy concession.
So per month, you are paying about S$570 a month for a helper to look after your house and child.

So assuming the total salary of both parents adds up to S$6000 a month, you are left with about S$4800 after deducting the CPF. (At this point I'm not sure whether did I get the figures right because I can't seem to get back my $6000 if I add the 20% back.)

S$4800 minus the following:
PUB: $200
Grocery: $500
Mobile Bills: $86.70 (this is based on the lowest plan with just Caller ID)
TV & Broadband: $53.79 (this is also based on the lowest Broadband Plan and minimum TV channels)
Balance: $3959.51 to last for the month.

BUT! That does not include the following:
Renovation Loan / Housing Loan / Income Tax / Property Tax / Parents - if they require special healthcare treatment / Child's Healthcare - which is very expensive / Birthday Parties

And if both grandparents are healthy, one of them is helping to look after your kids or not, you have to give them monthly allowances right? So, minus helper of $570 and give parents $1600 (4 of them. 2 moms, 2 dads).

How about diapers / milk powder / education fund / insurances for the whole family? Savings for rainy days?

No car, so you will be taking public transport. Cab is still the most convenient mode, but if you want to save on transport, take bus/train. Those who actually travels on these two mode of transport, you should understand how taxing it really is to bring a child on pram on board.

Do the math.

Unless one parent is earning that much, then yes, one of them can afford to stay home and even hire a helper to tidy the house.

If the parents are aware that they can't spend quantity time with their kids, then make it quality.

If you think otherwise, please share.



To me, being an irresponsible parent is:
Smoking while the kid is in the house / near you / breastfeeding
Drinking alcohol while breastfeeding
Drink and get drunk and mess up the house / turn violent / verbal abuse
Partying and ignoring the child. Just leaving them to their helper / grandparents to care for 100%
Not understanding the child
Not being patient with the child - which brings you back to understanding the child for they can't speak, hence they can't express themselves through words which means you need to use your heart and not your mind to feel what they want or do not want.

If you are feeling your temper working up, do not vent them on the child for they are still innocent, do not vent them on your family for they did not make you angry, just walk away. If you need to let it out, just let it out on a boxing bag / pillows / whatever it takes to calm you down.

Once done, go back and apologise for whatever you had done / displayed.

Verbally / Physically abusive towards family and child

Having a child is a commitment. They are not there to decorate your family. Showing how happy you are on the surface but how ugly things get beneath. It should be happiness on the surface AND beneath too.



I can't think of more.

I just feels that, communication is very important. As well as mutual understanding - before having kids, agree to dos and don'ts. Mutual respect even for the kid as they adore you / they are human beings.

However, communication do not happen during before marriage / childbirth and stopped after marriage / childbirth. There should be daily communication.

Saying these are easy, for they are just words. Making them work isn't.. hence that is also why you need two hands to clap, two beings to make wonder, two hands to tie a knot.

Should not pent-up feelings. Expressing gratitude / appreciation / etc.

Make each other feel good by saying nice things - how good looking they are / how much they love them / etc.
The moment you said something unpleasant like how stupid you are, that is already bring their morale down. And if you really love someone, you wouldn't say that to them.

Should not follow the standard cycle of courtship, marriage , children if you are not ready.



Sigh, what I'm seeing right now is like, things are just back to square one. Making the effort going down the drain. Why? Why break something which you had worked hard to build?

I am sorry peps, for making this post sound like some sad posts. Wanted to write happy posts to share.. Guess this is something that I have been wanting to write.

And an anniversary of an old friend is coming up. That is going to be another sad post. Lol... Just want to dedicate a day for him.


Oh well......

................

...


I wonder who actually still reads my posts?

OH! Sorry for not posting regularly..

Just that, things happened last year which kind of concluded my 2013 was a very unpleasant year. This blog kept me hanging on.. but it also made me realise how terrible the internet can be. I wish to share happy photos and moments of my family and friends online with all.. but somehow, with just one person, that person just made me feel turned off and do not really want to post any photos. I'm not sure whether that person still reads my blog - which I hope is no longer doing that.

Many times, I really want to post everything, whatever happened out here.. but I did not. Why?

Too much thoughts.

At times I wonder, if someone who keeps telling you the same lie, assuring you of the same things but it turned out differently, how can one keep the trust, that assurance that it will not happen again when they said it will not this time - with stress on that point.

Guess one can only go with gut feeling. With the expectation that it will not. If not.. I guess that is the final straw. That should it goes down, the whole wall will simply break apart and there is no turning back.
Which is, crying over spilled milk.
Like a wound, that is recovering, but if the wound keeps reopening and is trying it hardest to repair, one day, sooner or later, it will just stop recovering and be an open wound that will never heal.


Why do one have to let things happen then they will regret what they had done?

If it involves a life, you break it.. you can never get it back.



Ahh.. my directionless rumblings again.





Why do some people talk more in texts than in face to face?
Why can't hold a discussion face to face but in text?
Why hold up? Why shut down? Why zip up?





I did not expect this post to be longer than expected but I guess when my fingers touches the keyboard, it just go freely.




I guess at times, one will reach to a certain point thinking about their life. What have they achieve?
That has always been on my mind. Constantly.

A friend told me that he set goals, any kind of goals and he set to achieve that goal for that year.

I tried that last year but I stopped halfway.

That did not stop me from planning my road.

Looking back, my road had many curves since .. secondary school.

A lot of plans, and I always walk the road that was unplanned.

I am still planning.

Still walking a different path.

Somehow, it seemed to get me a little closer to the route that I had originally planned when I was young.

I still remember telling a close friend of mine when I was just 16.

That I want to move out of SG and move to an 'X' country.

I am still not sure.

I am still walking.

Sometimes running.

Sometimes walking backwards but to a different path.

Sometimes, staying put.

The road seemed endless.

That is not clear cut.

Road is still foggy, except for the path that is in front of me.

Sometimes I will walk out from that path and wandered elsewhere. Think: Forest.

Look / admiring / distracted.







Oh well, I shall end this post with the song that has been running through my head. That never fails to keep me smiling. Never fails to keep my spirit up. I may have shared the song before.. but I'm sharing it again. It may not be 3am now but it is still time to sleep. Which I can't sleep yet.

It is the beat. Must be the beat of the song that keeps me up. :)