Turning a blind eye

Hmm, not really sure what to update now. Seems like my past posts were all about B. Then again, he plays a big part in my life now. I'm not bothered by it but I hope this feeling will last. :)

It is really tiring to be going through all these again and reading all my past posts, I guess I was just feeling frustrated when I typed those. Or perhaps, 我已经想通了. If I can have my close guy friends or to be communicating with them everyday, why not him? He has the right to have female friends too right? And he is not 12 years old, so why can't he has a history? Relationships? And if he is to be in contact with them..... Perhaps I don't really mind it at all when our relationship is matured enough.

We are together for just two months only. Still have a lot to understand and to discover about each other.

Anyway, I still don't understand why would he take up smoking again after he's with me. There was a time where he stopped smoking though of which one reason he gave was to save money. And now he just told me that he feel like smoking. I hope he knows what is he doing,as the body is his, health is his, life is his. I can't control him right? Furthermore, with his hereditary issue - AS, where his lung may be affected made it even worse. I worry for him. Issues such as drinking cold drinks even if it's plain water with ice, smoking and yes, his oral hygiene. I do not wish to overdo it - nag however I can't just turn a blind eye to it. If it comes to a time where I stop caring for him, it means that my love for him has most probably die off as well right?

For example, last night. I was just wondering why didn't he light up his stick only to find out that he had run out of cigs and the brand that he uses can't be found in some places. To think I thought he had decided to quit for good. And no, I did not ask him why did he not smoke. So yah, him mentioning that he had forgotten to buy/cant find the cigarettes was kind of disappointing... Till today, he was still mentioning about his lack of cigarettes, at least twice. I got quite irritated by it. I asked to go to the coffeeshop to check since we're nearby but he decided not to. Then I asked him to go to the 7-11 to check then since there're two nearby. He also chose not to, saying something like he don't go buy. If he wants to buy, go buy by all means. If he don't want to, then drop the idea of buying cigs today. He can buy it tomorrow and smoke all he wants. In the end he also drove over to 7-11 to buy when we needed to park the car at the other carpark. I knew that he's going to do that anyway. Talk about self-control. He just wants to smoke. Want to smoke and feel like smoking are the same. It's an addiction.
That's also one of the few things on my dislike list.
- smoking
- gambling
- don't know how to drink and still wanna drink and get drunk.
I know it's not against the law but we are talking about health this round. If he want to be with me for long, shouldn't the first thing he ought to take care of is his health and not me? How can he take care of me if his health is in a bad condition? He said that he had reduced his intake but, to me, it still seems a lot. Like smoking 2 cigarettes in an hour's time is reduced?
Not sure whether was it because he's still young now and do not see the need/hurry to be worry about such things. Maybe I don't understand and don't see it in the smoker's point of view.
Does it mean once a smoker always a smoker? Will stop only when something important happened in their lives? Such as a failing lung, signs of cancer, birth of a child, etc? Why can't they stop for the sake of their health or their pocket or both?
He hates gambling because of some issues. I hate smoking because of health issues. So, if the person went back to gambling at least once a day, isn't it similar to a person smoking at least once a day? Not sure if it makes sense to you.
It will come to a day where I'll just turn a blind eye to some things. And I'm not sure and may not like what may follow after that.
I do not want to force him to stop smoking - not out of his own will. For I do not want him to feel so desperate to smoke when he's not with me because he's forced to stop smoking.
Kind of some dilemma. We'll just see where it goes.
But I'm definitely trying to control myself not to over nag at him. Not just the smoking issue. So maybe I'll just turn a blind eye to it.
And he's definitely not the social smoker he claimed to be - smoking when clubbing only.
It's funny how on top I'd mentioned that I'm not bothered by what he do. I'm still bothered by it. Like who is he messaging, vice versa. I still tell myself that I should trust him and what he's doing is the same as me, just normal communication with friends on a daily basis. It's still hard you know? My instinct still tells me that there are things he's not sharing. Maybe like the last time, he feels that it's of no importance.
Times when I decided to stop thinking about the future and just what the present holds. However, by not thinking about the future, we'll have no goals to look forward to, to work for right?
Not sure whether should I let him stay over. At least when he's not with me, I won't know and won't think about who's that messaging him as compared to when he's with me. Because I don't know.
Oh well, he'd promised me that he'll take care of his health and himself. So, we'll just see. (That sounds so familiar.)
Ps: now that he's smoking on a regular basis, there's an odour when we kiss. Not sure how long till I feel that I cannot take it anymore. It stinks. And I like my man's mouth to smell pleasant. Not the opposite. Next time his lips shall just meet my cheeks instead.