新年快乐！

Yep! I'd finally did it! It happened on 初一(first day of Chinese New Year) where my relatives were watching Transporter 3 and I saw it! The tattoo on Natalya Rudakova's neck and I knew that that's what I am looking for! The letter '安' represents my name - direct translation from 安－娜 (An-na) and the position at the back of my neck means 心平安  (peace in my heart and mind) and 平安无事 (safe and sound). So it is very meaningful for me. By putting at my back gives me the freedom whether do I want to show it or not by either tying my hair up or letting it down.

Only regret is the letter size is a little big. Or maybe I have a short neck. Haha.

Anyway I am glad that I went ahead and did it. It sure hurts and I'm not sure how should I describe how it felt in words. The top part is the most painful one. My neck is aching now and I can't wait for the worst to be over - the peeling part! Everyone was telling me that that is the itchiest moment and I CANNOT scratch it no matter what and not peel the peeling skin off. Haha.

Although some disapproved of me doing this but they still support me. Haha, except for Mr 大少爷 where I must hide my tattoo when I meet him. Otherwise he will be rolling his eyes all the way.

Anyway, 新年快乐！祝大家身体健康，财源滚滚，天天快乐！！ (Happy Chinese New Year! Wishing everyone or rather my faithful readers Good Health, Good Wealth and Be happy throughout!). My Chinese New Year was not a much looked forward to this year because of what had happened recently.. Other than that, CNY was my much looked forward to holiday not because we have 2 days off but because it is the time where all of us (our relatives and family) gathered together! It is a pity that we did not take any photos this year for it is an annual event for me to take a family photo. This year there are two additions to the family - Elijah and .. die lah, forgot another nephew's name! Next year there will be a new addition to the family - Jinny's little princess! These are from my mom's side and they are expanding like nobody's business which I like! Haha.

How was your CNY celebrations?

This year there was no annual meet up at JW's house. Guess we kind of drifted apart?

Although I know the people I want to thank are not reading this but I want to thank them in this post.

It was only through what had happened that made me know them better and to make new friends as well. :)

Thank you my dear friend, for accompanying me throughout my darkest periods without questioning, for trying to keep my mind off things and staying with me until late (3-4am) and back to the same cycle the next day or days later even though you are very tired from your daily activities. And even though it was a last minute notice, you still make time to meet me. I really appreciate what you had done and I will never forget! I will do the same when you need someone during your darkest period!

And to the three 大少爷s, do not have to be so modest lah. The house you are living in is like 3 times of my house, not forgetting your 'holiday' villas aka condos for your own use. Tsk tsk. Thanks for being my personal chauffeur. Sending me home after meet up even when it is very late. Keeping me distracted and trying to motivate me all the time, for supporting me and ... my decision although I know you are there shaking your head! Haha. I will never forget that as well!

And Master Keigo, not meant to make you worried with my last post.. And not purposely not wanting to tell you until you read my blog but I guess I just do not feel like talking about it. And TP for offering me your room. Hehe.

During these period of time, I really felt very pampered by you guys. Thank you! :)



Anyway, this songs accompanied me throughout my darkest period.

When I saw the ending of this song, I was wondering whether will I get an outcome similar to this MV.



And this song.. heard it love it.

Time to let go.

Okay, B and I had broke up.

In fact he had requested for it last Sunday but I just don't want to let go. I want to salvage it because he told me how he felt in this relationship and he was feeling quite unhappy about it. Yes, I cried my heart out that night. I just can't help it and my tears just kept flowing out on its own. I was definitely devastated.

The next morning, I tried asking him many times for a last chance to keep this relationship, he firmly said no.

I should have get the drift, he not worrying and coming over to pick me up when I told him that I was at a place where I dropped hint where I won't be able to go home easily, he did not comment when I said I had fever neither did he rush home when I told him that I wasn't feeling well.

And what he did last Monday was the blow. Looking at our messages on that day.. I really don't know how or what to react.

Of all things he did to me, I still believe in him and wants to keep this relationship going. That's pretty silly of me right?

I could have go crazy if not for the people around me. They kept me going, their support.

I had decided to let go.

It was hard but it hurts more to know what is he doing.

He said he wanted to be alone last night to think. When he finally message me, it was so different from his earlier messages in the day. Daytime were curt and short and unfeeling. Night sounded like he cared about me and that made me have some hope that he had finally think it through and wants to get back to me. But I was wrong. I saw the message notification on his phone (which he will hide it later anyway) and put a lock code on his phone. These are clear signs that he wants me out of his life and he hasn't stop what he is doing.

It hurts a lot and this is the worse heartbreak I had ever experienced. It was a dish of betrayal, sadness, unhappiness, heartbreak, lies, disgust, all served and fed forcefully into my mouth and made me digest all at once.

Even though I'd agreed to let go, the thought of what he had done made me go through the swirl of feelings of anger and sadness and heartache again. Yes I still love him even after what he had done.

I doubt I can make myself be with him again after he is done with what he is doing and wants to reconcile back with me. I don't want to touch the areas he had used. I can't bring myself to accept the fact.

So here I am, single again and deleting him out of my life.

A dish of all feelings at once

I won't be posting anything for now... For I'm am currently going through a very difficult phase.

Who knows it will turn out this way, who knows heartache will feel this way....

I hope everything will be over soon. Before CNY for I will not have the mood to do visiting.

I pray to thee, God, please make everything alright soon......

Once everything is over, I will do a post to explain what is going on...

Ending this post with an extremely heavy heart.

Gone were the traditions.

One of my favourite place in dajie's new house.

Rushed down to dajie's place for our reunion dinner after work. Jeremy's parents were there as well as aunt Peg, uncle Garick and Gab.

The end product of their house was very nicely designed. Quite different from the typical house and perhaps because they hacked some walls off to make some places looked bigger.


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Anyway a conversation with B last night made me did some thinking.

A woman who married the man is considered as married into his family where she has to take on the man's last name and stay with his family instead of her own.

At first I was arguing the fact that it is the tradition whereby the woman will take on the man's last name as it is not the woman who is marrying the man but the other way round - if you do a direct translation into Chinese, you should understand what I mean.

However that got me thinking, why should the woman take on her husband's last name because she's getting married with him and not into his family. Why must she change her father's name to her husband's father's name since he wasn't the one who contribute to her genes and her upbringing.

Why must the wife attend reunion dinner with her husband?

Got this from wiki:
A reunion dinner (年夜饭) is held on New Year's Eve of the Chinese New Year, during which family members get together to celebrate.

Which means the wife should return to her own home to have dinner with her own family members isn't it? Each one returns to their respective family for dinner, that should be what reunion dinner is right? Especially if wife get married and moved into her husband's place or she has her own house with her husband, that means she sees less of her own family, her parents who brought her up, who was with her since birth, provided her with love, care, shelter and food for until she gets married and not to her husband's family who has no blood relation to her.

So, I had came to this conclusion that reunion dinner should be the day where the wife returns home to her own family, to be with her family and have dinner with her family while the husband does the same.

Returning home to see your parents and siblings (unless you're the only child), with all the catchups, isn't that what you want to do?

I had realised that different family had different types of reunion dinners. Some can have dinner within their family, some with their extended family and some not at all.

Mine belongs to the middle one. That is before my parents split up. We would always gather at an uncle's place where my grandpa is staying at and have steamboat together - cousins, uncles and aunties. It was a lively event and we would play the sparkles after dinner. It was fun then, when we were younger. Those were my fonder memories.

How about yours?