Regrets.Opportunities

Before I continue typing contents that related to my subject, I realised that I have some photos that I have yet to post up here. Marking the end of any pending photos taken in 2012 that I have yet to upload here.

December 2012

We decided to have a Christmas dinner with mummy E. Initial choice was at Copthorne Waterfront, however we decided on Prego instead. I must admit that I did not know the Christmas menu was so expensive! The whole dinner for just the 4 of our (both mummies came and ate together instead) cost around $600!

Menu was totally changed with free flow of desert and appetizers.

Meat!!!

Very fresh oysters and prawns. Mummy E loves it!

 

Christmas dishes!

At the end of the dinner, there was this choir who came in, set up and started singing. It was really cute and made the whole place had the Christmas feel. What's missing was the crowd - it wasn't very crowded by the time we reached the destination and snow.

Well, that will be our first and last time having Christmas dinner at Prego except for normal occasion. I sure hope that Prego will be a place just for the two of us or with friends but not with any outsiders.

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January 2013

Finally I get to post some photos for this year and hope I will have the time to post 2013 photos by the end of the year instead of bringing it forward to the next year. Not forgetting to post the day's events instead of dragging it forward to the next few months and forgetting what actually happened.

Anyway I haven't been taking much photos now, except with the convenience of the camera that comes with our mobile phones. Sometimes it also makes uploading of photos into blog posts much easier and should I need to edit any of the photos, it will be done using 'Instagram' unless there's a need to remove certain bits of details. If you'd noticed, most of my photos that goes with my posts are quite updated now. :)

With the opening of the Gardens by the Bay, we decided to take a train over, have our lunch at Marina Bay Sands before walking over to the Gardens.

Taking the circle line to Bayfront. How convenient!

Lunch time at DTF!

There was an underground linkway from MBS to the Gardens. By the time we hit the other end, it was already raining. It wasn't a light rain nor a heavy one but one that is enough to soak you should you stay out long enough without shelter.

From where we were standing, we could see the Marina Bay Sands Hotel. I do wish to stay there for just a night!

The closest we managed to get to the Gardens is by looking from the shelter. We decided to head back because of the rain. It doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon and I guess no point walking in the rain while trying to enjoy the flowers and trees and having your camera soaked by the rain water.

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Back to my original post.

What is it about regrets and opportunities?

It can be anything small that does not really affect your life but it can be big enough to change your life.

Sometimes when one is given plenty of chances, one tend to take it for granted that the chance will still come and one will still have the option to choose whether to accept or to push it away, with the thinking that chance will come knocking on your door again.

However, that may not be the case. If one is being given too many chances, chance might stop showing itself one day and move on to the next person who will most likely appreciate it and accept chance with an open arms. That, will lead one to regret. Why didn't one accept the one chance of an opportunity? Why did one keeps pushing the many chances of opportunities away?

A person may say things they don't mean in a fit of anger which sometimes could be quite harsh, sometimes not. What if the person is unable to accept what the person who said mean things in a fit of anger? What would be the consequences? Loss of friendship? Loss of colleague? Loss of opportunity? Loss of a potential partner? Loss of a person you love? 

Yet when one is in anger, one's mind is also clouded. That even knowing the fact that whatever words they said in a fit of anger could hurt the person or they may even become physical but still they will continue on because they are angry and anger blinds them. Until when they calm down then they realised what they had done.

Perhaps, when one is feeling angry, they should try to take a deep breath and count to 10 to calm themselves down before confronting the person or the issue on hand.

I am one step towards my goal. MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!

Wish I could capture every moment..

I'm so tired now and feeling hungry too, which is weird. My appetite seemed to be pretty good today although my stomach is acting up again. Sigh. It is like a love hate relationship between my stomach and my body or mind or whatever.

Tired as I am now but I still want to post today's event because I am very touched that my part time staffs planned this special day to celebrate my birthday with me! I guess sometimes I really 身在福中不知福 (to live in plenty without appreciating it; not to know when one is well off) because sometimes I wonder why some people can be so close to their friends or have friends who love them and dote on them and I don't. Never did I realise that I am one of them too! I have many close friends who love me and dotes on me, meet up when I need some company, angry when I have well, inhale too much, talk to me when I'm bored, know when I'm feeling happy or down. I'm really lucky that we are still keeping in contact and I feared that we will drift apart are out of nothing.

They had planned to spend the WHOLE day with me, however with the haze, they had changed the plan and shifted it to a half day event. So I met up with my 2 boys in town first and as I was feeling the urge to sing K.. we went ahead. Even mister 'Changed Man' had planned on where to have dinner at. :)

 

I cannot remember the name of this restaurant however it cost just $1.50 a plate. So, the moment we sat down, we began to take the above plates. Not sure whether was it a blessing for we were seated at the start of the belt so we could have the freshest food or was it bad because we took so many plates that most of the people seated opposite or beside have nothing left for them. They kept looking over at our table. Was it because we were very noisy or because we kept taking the sashimi?

 

The silly girl dropped her sashimi into her soy sauce and she still ate it! Wish I could capture her expression but that will be very mean of me right? She is just too cute!

 

Somehow we finished this bottle of soy sauce...... Where did it all go?

 

We had barely sat down for 20 minutes and this is what we had covered! By then we were already generating a lot of attention from our neighbours.

 

And MORE in another 10 minutes.

A: Hi, can I have this xxx?

Waiter: How many do you want?

A: 10

W: !! *He really had that stunned look on his face and it took him a moment to register what A had said before acknowledging the order.*

 

By then we had hit 63 plate in another 10 minutes. Boys are still hungry while Mermaid and I are slowing down, XL had totally given up because she is a very small eater.

 

Not all are contributed by me. By then, people were already looking over at our table and the waiter who took our 10 plates order was no longer surprised when we asked for 10 more plates of certain dishes.

At the end, our plates count was 91 - just 6 of us eating. It was too late for us to order 9 plates of dessert because they had already closed their last order. The couple beside our table was trying to count the number of plates we had and we just told them the figure. The waitress nearly missed out on the two single plates because she couldn't see until we reminded her. We are so honest!

 

We ate too much that we did not have space for cake anymore. So I just brought it home uncut.

XL was so cute to apologise for it.. haha. I am already touched that they remembered and planned for my birthday celebration, what more can I ask for?

I really wished that I could just capture every funny moments with my camera so that I can look at it but it was impossible because the funny moments came suddenly and it will not be funny for me to ask them to do it again so that I could take a picture. So I just kept all of them in my mind where it will be archive forever.

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Decided to pack my room into the plastic boxes I'd bought from ikea today. I think my girls will go crazy over my books when they see it.

Finished packing the first level, moved on to the next. I have this weird hobby of collecting notebooks. I just love them very much and I can't bear to use them although I know it is kind of silly to have notebooks but not using them. I.just.can't.bear.to.use. CAN'T!!!!

I have quite a number of notebooks. The nice ones I keep, plain ones I use. I had a NatGeo notebook which was designed like an Indiana type of book with a cloth bag to hold it in but the material just felt sticky all around with some oil so I had no choice but to throw it away. Very heart pain! And I have another NatGeo notebook which I had decided to use it for my travels. So far, it contains my planned trip to Japan with TP. It holds a lot of memories where I will remember them whenever I opened it up to look. I had planned the places, the timing, the days to spend, the hotels we are staying, some basic itinerary and such. I would love to go back to Japan with TP again for she is my GPS while I am the map of interest. We just compliment each other well. Maybe instead of she finding a boyfriend, we can just be together. Haha! Tell her daddy that she's a gay and we will just adopt a son to carry on her family's legacy.


Below are some books I have with cute/interesting designs.

Cartoon Network, Disney Channel and Nickelodeon.


 

I think the latest design in Blue is the best looking design so far.


 

Other random books from WB, Cinemax and MTV.

I have MS book and Halo cover. Just wish I have more of Halo notebooks with John-117 fronting all the hard covers. I was so tempted to steal the standing posters of him in those game shops and put them on the wall so that I could look at him before I sleep.


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Anyway I guess it was fate that I picked up a call today when I was having an internal debate to whether should I answer it because it was an unfamiliar number. Now I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed. I shall talk about it after more updates later.

Did I mention that I dream of getting my results?
I dreamt that I passed 2 modules and failed 2 modules. Seemed like my term for year 2 will start late. Time to plan my trip with mummy E! Gonna have to meet her soon for lunch/dinner!

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I had been thinking, why am I being so persistent, still holding on when such thing happened to me not once but twice. I guess it came after a chat with my buddy P, where after 5 years then he knows what he wants - to settle down and lead a life with her. He kept saying that he was glad that she did not give up on him during the early stages and he was really grateful for that otherwise he would regret.

Maybe because of this that made me persevere on and keep fighting to keeping it going. Never give up. There are things going on round and round on my mind. Weighing this and that....

I guess it is time I make up my mind.

Being appreciative of every little things! :)

We were feeling hungry last night after work. Reached home and the coffeeshop nearby had already closed. So we decided to order.... MAC! My initial order was just the fillet O'fish meal that comes with the corn and a drink and share the fries with him since he ordered a meal. Little did I know he ordered the wings as well!! OMG! Thought I couldn't finish them because my stomach wasn't feeling too good lately.. or rather since last year however, I was able to finish them all! Surprising! I will definitely miss doing something like this.

Supper, anyone?

Thank you for spending my birthday (post) with me. It was simple, unplanned and fun. Nothing fanciful but I still enjoyed myself. Like I said, it's the company and the thought that counts.

And... mummy E gotten me a birthday gift! I was going "OH-MY-GAWD!" many times when I opened up the box and saw what was inside. I was and am really surprised and touched because mummy has been so busy with work that I didn't know that she actually made the effort to go get a gift for me! I really don't know what to say and I didn't get her anything for her birthday. Mummy E really dotes on me very much! And I am really really glad that I wasn't put off by her fierce look. Haha. Really, she's a softie. Love mummy E! I really want to go Australia find jie jie and baby Jacob with mummy E! I miss them all! Funny thing is last year when they first came to look for B at shop, I was so shy to greet them that I hid in a corner. However, I am really glad that I did not do that and in fact I went along to pick up both big and small J with B. I am glad that instead of meeting them for just a day, I actually took initiative to meet them for dinner, etc. Arrange to meet for dinner with B and mummy E. Something that I will not want to miss anymore and regret for not doing so. So, I shall go out less, pay my bills and save money so that I can go with mummy E! Hehe. I know she misses them both a lot, only that she do not show it only. So mummy E, THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT!!

My new clutch bag and an ang pao from mummy E!

And of course not forgetting my mommy & daddy!

Mommy: Thank you for remembering my birthday and the best gift you had given me is a life.

Daddy: Happy Father's Day. :)

My parents had spent too much on me when I was a kid, I remembered! All the toys, the clothes, having a helper to take care of us, my mom taking care of us personally when we were down with chicken pox, buying things that we want. I am glad that we did not turn out to be spoilt brats, just lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon.

And..... another most unexpected gift was from K! When he messaged me to say that he had left a gift in my locker, I wasn't really expecting that and I was so surprised! Plus this gift which I know is not cheap - as long as it costs money. I'm really touched. B was saying that I used to treat K so badly last time which I do feel guilty about it. Somehow, things between us improved this year and we are on talking terms. I even helped him with stuffs and vice versa. I hope everything goes well for him, his pretty wife and super cute baby!

I don't have the habit of applying perfume because some people/strangers around me may be allergic to it.. I guess I will just spray it on occasionally so that it will not go to waste - which will eventually. Haha.

Today my American couple customers returned to look for me. The wife is very friendly and nice to talk to and she asked whether am I 24/25 years old. WAHAHHAHAHHA! Don't puke alright? Damnit! Lol. So I said I have just turned 31 (yes, I'm proud to tell my real age) and she said she thought of introducing her son to me, who is 25 years old but he's too young for me. I'm not sure whether did she pose that as a question or a statement but I decided not to answer. Haha. The couple just went on and on, teasing me mercilessly until I blushed and the husband said stop teasing me because I'm blushing like mad. Wife said I looked really cute and she liked me a lot.. Wahaha! Another nice mother-in-law? Hahahah. Anyhow, when we were left alone, we chatted and I really enjoyed talking to them both even if I had spent 2 hours on them but it was worth it. They are so nice! Wish they will drop by often to find me, especially the wife. Hee. It will be better if the son come along with them. WAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!

Sidetrack:

I am gonna dream of zombies sooner or later with all the zombies shows I have been watching!

ね　マスータ　けいご、please take care of yourself especially your knuckles - if not how are you going to throw punches? And your feet - no more flying kick and getting your butt kicked next time how? お願いします！

Ok, I don't really understand the lyrics for this song however, judging by the title.. "I", to me it means finding back the real you and not the pretentious you. Loving who you are and not who people want you to be.

Heard this song on the radio when Ivan was streaming it. Lovely song and I love how the tone changes.

If one day you have this sudden thought that the relationship between the both of you are getting boring, or when you begin to mind that your partner is fat (when he/she is already fat when you courted and dated her). Ask yourself, why, what is so special about this person in front of you that makes you fall in love with him/her in the first place. What attracts you to him/her?

If you realised that your partner is beginning to feel insecure about themselves, or feel the need to look pretty/handsome, started dressing up more so that they will have your attention; hug them or kiss them and tell them that you love them just the way they are. :)

Changing times

It's funny how someone whom I used to dislike and made things difficult for him are close to me now. Although we never talk about it but we just had this mutual understanding to let bygones be bygone. Now we talk, we laugh and we drink together.

People wondered why I still visit her when she was admitted in the hospital. I didn't tell anyone that I'd visited her even him except for my buddy. It may look like I'm being fake and all but I don't really care what people think. (But when some heard of it, they do not judge me. I am just glad to have them as my friends who ask no questions and is supportive on my decisions unless they are the very wrong ones like......). I just don't like people to be very sick and her infection then sounded very serious. I was worried. I admit. I went to check up her condition on wiki and kept asking buddy whether the doctor had check up on her yet and what did he say. She's well and had recovered, that's the important thing. Sigh I guess that first incident was pushed to the back of my mind when I heard what had happened to her. My first instinct was.. To visit her in the hospital, keep her company and cheer her up. Make time flies faster for her.

Guess that's also the reason why I would cry or feel very sad when I saw a funeral of a steanger's because I just feel sad for their family members. No matter what he/she had done. I still feel for them.

Just read a poem someone wrote on his very bad day. It touched my heart and the poem just seemed to be what I'm feeling now.

There is something that I need to do and I cannot walk away from it.

Not your kind of people

Glad to have stayed up to watch the E3 conference, watched all the new games the publishers have prepared for the two upcoming and highly anticipated consoles and to let me see this trailer:





And this mesmerizing song sung by Garbage (OMG!! I thought they had retired or have I not been following them?). Fitting song for the extraordinary game.




Thank you Master Keigo for being the first. :)
I won't put here lah. rest assured. Hee. Thanks for remembering!

Never give up and just keep trying!

I'm not whether this sounds familiar to you guys but have you ever had a day where you felt like shit, moody, lost? Like your current life is so boring, no one message/call you for a day, not knowing what to do with your life, no mood to work or to do anything?

Well, that was what I felt two days back. I suddenly felt the above. Really no mood to do anything and wished I was at home and could just stay at home and shut myself in my room doing nothing. Not even have the mood to eat for the day. Maybe also no mood to even talk to people.

Even till today, luckily I had the half day off from work because this month is my birthday month. Still no mood to work that the moment I woke up, I'd already decided that I will not be doing any sales for the day. I know that it is bad for my pocket but I really do not feel like doing anything, even replying a simple email is a tedious job for me.

So I went to my sister's new house to help her fix up her cable tv.. only to find that they had connected the cables wrongly. Fixed it, slack for awhile before my old part-time staffs asked me out for dinner. They are just so sweet! :)

I guess the reason why I'm feeling moody could be because a dear friend had quited and is serving the last few weeks of his notice and this month is his last month with us. I am quite sad because we clicked really well, funny that I don't really like him initially - which I told him frankly. We worked together in the same place and we just talked  and get along really well. We could really talk a lot, from one topic to another and I really dread the last day of his work. Of course I am feeling very excited and nervous for him, for he is going on a new stage of his life but at the same time, I really can't bear to see him go. I do wish him all the best and hope to visit him some time soon.

And he took such unflattering photo of me.

I guess people come and go, it's a matter of the foot prints they left in your life.

I realised that giving up on something is not an option in my life. No matter how tough it gets, I am still pushing through. Of course it is not easy and it is easier if I just give up on things but I do not want to live my life with regrets for not trying things out. I do not want to look back one day (like how I used to) and asked myself "Why?". I do not want to look back at the past, instead I want to look forward to my future. Of course the future may look bleak at the moment for I still do not know what I want to do and I am still trying to find out. And I am glad to have friends who are supportive and encouraging me not to give up but to keep trying. They are people who helped me survive until now.

I remembered the time when I was feeling so low because of my exams and the fact that I am going to flunk at all my papers and I was on the verge of giving up. To the extend of not studying and not going for the exams. They pushed me on, asking me not to give up. I had already walked this path and I should persevere.

So even though I am feeling a bit on the low side now, I will still try to move on and instead of feeling down and let the negative thoughts take over my mind, I should try to improve things.

Like this song by Pink.

Compromise + Tolerance + Patience + Giving + Receiving = Love

I had decided to find out more about what is the meaning of love. There is no definition of love. And a friend was telling someone that he cannot force love into a person if he/she does not  want to open up.

So I searched online and chance upon this website which I feel what the author says makes sense.

All along we have been living under this delusion that you feel like you're floating or have this butterfly feeling in your stomach when you met the one, where you will live happily ever after with that someone.

That's  fantasy, not reality.

When they said there's a honeymoon period, that's when you are overcome by an undeniable sense of knowing however when that knowing fade, that is when the honeymoon period ends and that is where the real work begin. Some may work towards it, some may feels that they are in a wrong relationship because of the diminished feeling and start all over again. This is one cycle that will never ends for they will keep feeling the same over and over again.

Love is like a seed, that needs to be planted and cultivated and watch it grow, and blossom. Love does not grow overnight. Love needs care and attention, commitment and patience.

We do not have to love but we choose to love. That is why I choose to love no matter how hard it can be, how much work it takes.

I am sure that many will find the following familiar:

"Not to compromise, not to put up with anything we don't like, not to sacrifice for that one person. Never put in too much."

Yet, compromise and sacrifice is what keeps the love going. What is too much and too little? If never put in much, of course nothing will ever works. Too much and scare of being pricked by the thorns? Isn't that part of life? If one never get hurt, how to improve? How to be better?

I remembered someone asking me whether do I feel any chemistry with the person I was dating. I wondered, what chemistry?

Instead of jumping to another moving vehicle, should one try to handle the current car well and try to understand how it works? Once you can handle it, all the frustrations you felt, the impatience and fear will all disappear.

Sometimes I do feel like giving up on something since it is easier and I do not have to go through it again or ever face it again but I stopped myself. For I asked myself, am I not giving it up to easily without trying no matter how tough or difficult it gets? Shouldn't I try to go through it try again and if I fail, I will try harder until I succeed? That is when you get to taste the sweet success right?

Some, where no matter how hard life tries to get them down, they will always stay optimistic, face it and fight it off. Fighting for one's happiness. Even when they are doing it alone. It is tough but they made it. Some are lucky and have another beside them to fight together.

When fighting alone, one tends to get exhausted, tired and just want to rest and not think about it, not fight it any more and let the hardness of life gets to them.

That is what I am feeling I guess. It feels lonely at times to know that I am fighting for something alone, to a certain extend that I feel that it is pointless to fight for it when I know it will not yield any results. It is exhausting, tiring and makes me wonder at times, why try so hard when I could just throw it away and start a new one? The feeling of not knowing whether will the plant grow, whether will it die away. I guess, you will never know if you never try right?

If the plant wants to grow, it will fight alongside with me. If it doesn't, it will wither away and die. Which is easier.

As much as people say it will not happen I still believe that people can be romantic at times no matter how unromantic they claimed to be. No surprises, no sweet nothing, unlike the one you saw in the MTV or movies, where the guy will caress my face, look into my eyes and say that he love me. So far in my many years of life, I have never seen that except when I am dreaming. Yes.. I am a dreamer. I always dream of my boyfriend to be a sweet and romantic guy who makes me feel special. One who will always try to surprise me with something, being very sweet. It happened that one and only  time so far and we weren't even dating. Regret? Perhaps for I had let that one sweet guy go but he left the one and only memory that I will never ever forget. :)

So.. who says love is an easy job?

Life experiences changes people as what we saw in movies and it changes people either for the better or worse. Depending on how one wants it to be, to behave, to think.

Sometimes I wish that my life is like a game where I can just restart when life gets me down, when I made a wrong choice. Maybe that is why some would just try to end their life so that they don't have to face it any more. I used to think of that too, when life gets to a very low point to the extend that I really do not feel like living any more. That life is very meaningless. Why life doesn't go my way. Why my life sucks as compared to my friends? Why isn't my life like this but like that? So many why but  no answers to it. That I feel that the world is a better place without me, that my presence doesn't really have any significant impact on my friends' and the people around. I will be forgotten anyway, move on and life goes on. That I will stop hurting the  people  around me or maybe in a relationship, I will stop hurting the ones who loved me and will love me in future. I had even considered which is the best way to ensure a 100% death. Not being hit by a car because that will cause the driver to have a nightmare. Not by jumping down from a tall  building for I may hit someone and causes them hurt or I may survive the fall and be in coma, etc or someone may see my smashed up body and have a phobia after.

So.. why am I still here suffering? Making myself  miserable where I just  be selfish and do things my own way.

I guess I just woke up and think that it is stupid to feel that way. I am given this life for a reason and it is up to me to make it better or worse. Maybe that is why people remember me as someone who is very cheerful, very jumpy (happily jumping instead of walking), always carries a smile on my face. That is what I've been told. And when I had a lousy week or when something happened that caused me to smile less, they would asked where is Anna? What happened to me? Why do I look so sad? Why do I look miserable? Why am I not smiling? Names I have been given - Sunshine, Sun, Sunflower, etc. Things that shine and makes people bask in it happily. Why not? :)

That also caught some attention from the opposite gender too. Haha. I'm not shy to say this!

So, I was sitting in my friend's car one night when he asked me, what happened to me? I was like "Huh? What do you mean?"

He said I looked rather unhappy, lose that shine and where did it go?

I don't know how to reply and asked whether did I change?

He said yes.

He asked where is the optimistic and always smiling, cheerful me?

And he asked me to find it back fast.

So I am trying to find myself back again.  Where is that Anna people used to know? Maybe I just keep thinking of the bad things that set me down that I had lost myself.

I must make myself a promise and keep to it until the end of this year. That will be 1 goal I had made myself and 1 promise to fulfil this year.

And that conversation came from a friend whom I have not meet for at least 3 years?

So,

Why give up on things easily without fighting for it?

Is it that they are not worth fighting for? Not worth keeping?

How do you know that the next person will treat it well? You can never predict it.

One friend gave me a small push. She said why give it away so easily when it belongs to her. She fought for it, got it, kept it and still with her now. :)

Anyway, until I have exhaust myself then I will let go. If I am one to let go so easily in pursuit of my own happiness, I would have done so 4 months back instead of sticking around, putting in to much effort to keep it alive, to make it grow and believing in it.

I am not a ball and no one has the right to push me to another player just because he is a better player. If you sucks, why not improve instead of having one regret in life when you give up? Regret.. so what huh? Just regret and move on. Yah, and think about it for it will stick out forever.

I had a lot of regrets in life and I used to think of it quite often. That I should do this, do that and maybe things will turn out differently. Regrets followed me since I was 16. However I had stopped thinking about some, although I will still be reminded of it.

So what if we have been hurt?

We can learn to love again.

If one doesn't give a second chance, who will?