Ready for parenting?

Before you start assuming that I'm getting married and settling down.. Nope. I am not.

It just came as a thought.. with what I saw on parents behaving with their child.

Yes, some may think that a parent is irresponsible by working and leaving their child in the care of their helpers or their parents.

Some may think that to have a child means going through their child's development, watch them grow, guide them and teach them.

If the mom works and the dad is a stay home dad, does that makes the mom an irresponsible parent?

How about it is the other way round? Stay home mom and working dad. Does that means dad is irresponsible?

Or both stay home and watch their child?

Who brings home the bread then?

No matter either one has to work.

What if, he/she is not earning enough to support the family?

Then both have to work to keep the money coming right?

So, who will look after the child? The grandparents.

Now, that leads to more questions.

Deceased? Senile? Dementia? Sickness? Old age? Inability to look after the child.

Who then?

Helper.

Some may think then, if the parents are earning enough to hire a helper, why not stay at home and look after the kid then?
Average salary of a helper is about S$450/month.
Levy about S$120/month if you meet the levy concession.
So per month, you are paying about S$570 a month for a helper to look after your house and child.

So assuming the total salary of both parents adds up to S$6000 a month, you are left with about S$4800 after deducting the CPF. (At this point I'm not sure whether did I get the figures right because I can't seem to get back my $6000 if I add the 20% back.)

S$4800 minus the following:
PUB: $200
Grocery: $500
Mobile Bills: $86.70 (this is based on the lowest plan with just Caller ID)
TV & Broadband: $53.79 (this is also based on the lowest Broadband Plan and minimum TV channels)
Balance: $3959.51 to last for the month.

BUT! That does not include the following:
Renovation Loan / Housing Loan / Income Tax / Property Tax / Parents - if they require special healthcare treatment / Child's Healthcare - which is very expensive / Birthday Parties

And if both grandparents are healthy, one of them is helping to look after your kids or not, you have to give them monthly allowances right? So, minus helper of $570 and give parents $1600 (4 of them. 2 moms, 2 dads).

How about diapers / milk powder / education fund / insurances for the whole family? Savings for rainy days?

No car, so you will be taking public transport. Cab is still the most convenient mode, but if you want to save on transport, take bus/train. Those who actually travels on these two mode of transport, you should understand how taxing it really is to bring a child on pram on board.

Do the math.

Unless one parent is earning that much, then yes, one of them can afford to stay home and even hire a helper to tidy the house.

If the parents are aware that they can't spend quantity time with their kids, then make it quality.

If you think otherwise, please share.



To me, being an irresponsible parent is:
Smoking while the kid is in the house / near you / breastfeeding
Drinking alcohol while breastfeeding
Drink and get drunk and mess up the house / turn violent / verbal abuse
Partying and ignoring the child. Just leaving them to their helper / grandparents to care for 100%
Not understanding the child
Not being patient with the child - which brings you back to understanding the child for they can't speak, hence they can't express themselves through words which means you need to use your heart and not your mind to feel what they want or do not want.

If you are feeling your temper working up, do not vent them on the child for they are still innocent, do not vent them on your family for they did not make you angry, just walk away. If you need to let it out, just let it out on a boxing bag / pillows / whatever it takes to calm you down.

Once done, go back and apologise for whatever you had done / displayed.

Verbally / Physically abusive towards family and child

Having a child is a commitment. They are not there to decorate your family. Showing how happy you are on the surface but how ugly things get beneath. It should be happiness on the surface AND beneath too.



I can't think of more.

I just feels that, communication is very important. As well as mutual understanding - before having kids, agree to dos and don'ts. Mutual respect even for the kid as they adore you / they are human beings.

However, communication do not happen during before marriage / childbirth and stopped after marriage / childbirth. There should be daily communication.

Saying these are easy, for they are just words. Making them work isn't.. hence that is also why you need two hands to clap, two beings to make wonder, two hands to tie a knot.

Should not pent-up feelings. Expressing gratitude / appreciation / etc.

Make each other feel good by saying nice things - how good looking they are / how much they love them / etc.
The moment you said something unpleasant like how stupid you are, that is already bring their morale down. And if you really love someone, you wouldn't say that to them.

Should not follow the standard cycle of courtship, marriage , children if you are not ready.



Sigh, what I'm seeing right now is like, things are just back to square one. Making the effort going down the drain. Why? Why break something which you had worked hard to build?

I am sorry peps, for making this post sound like some sad posts. Wanted to write happy posts to share.. Guess this is something that I have been wanting to write.

And an anniversary of an old friend is coming up. That is going to be another sad post. Lol... Just want to dedicate a day for him.


Oh well......

................

...


I wonder who actually still reads my posts?

OH! Sorry for not posting regularly..

Just that, things happened last year which kind of concluded my 2013 was a very unpleasant year. This blog kept me hanging on.. but it also made me realise how terrible the internet can be. I wish to share happy photos and moments of my family and friends online with all.. but somehow, with just one person, that person just made me feel turned off and do not really want to post any photos. I'm not sure whether that person still reads my blog - which I hope is no longer doing that.

Many times, I really want to post everything, whatever happened out here.. but I did not. Why?

Too much thoughts.

At times I wonder, if someone who keeps telling you the same lie, assuring you of the same things but it turned out differently, how can one keep the trust, that assurance that it will not happen again when they said it will not this time - with stress on that point.

Guess one can only go with gut feeling. With the expectation that it will not. If not.. I guess that is the final straw. That should it goes down, the whole wall will simply break apart and there is no turning back.
Which is, crying over spilled milk.
Like a wound, that is recovering, but if the wound keeps reopening and is trying it hardest to repair, one day, sooner or later, it will just stop recovering and be an open wound that will never heal.


Why do one have to let things happen then they will regret what they had done?

If it involves a life, you break it.. you can never get it back.



Ahh.. my directionless rumblings again.





Why do some people talk more in texts than in face to face?
Why can't hold a discussion face to face but in text?
Why hold up? Why shut down? Why zip up?





I did not expect this post to be longer than expected but I guess when my fingers touches the keyboard, it just go freely.




I guess at times, one will reach to a certain point thinking about their life. What have they achieve?
That has always been on my mind. Constantly.

A friend told me that he set goals, any kind of goals and he set to achieve that goal for that year.

I tried that last year but I stopped halfway.

That did not stop me from planning my road.

Looking back, my road had many curves since .. secondary school.

A lot of plans, and I always walk the road that was unplanned.

I am still planning.

Still walking a different path.

Somehow, it seemed to get me a little closer to the route that I had originally planned when I was young.

I still remember telling a close friend of mine when I was just 16.

That I want to move out of SG and move to an 'X' country.

I am still not sure.

I am still walking.

Sometimes running.

Sometimes walking backwards but to a different path.

Sometimes, staying put.

The road seemed endless.

That is not clear cut.

Road is still foggy, except for the path that is in front of me.

Sometimes I will walk out from that path and wandered elsewhere. Think: Forest.

Look / admiring / distracted.







Oh well, I shall end this post with the song that has been running through my head. That never fails to keep me smiling. Never fails to keep my spirit up. I may have shared the song before.. but I'm sharing it again. It may not be 3am now but it is still time to sleep. Which I can't sleep yet.

It is the beat. Must be the beat of the song that keeps me up. :)

新年快乐！马到成功！！

Wanted to wish everyone on the first day of Chinese New Year.. but it slipped my mind. Old liao.. sigh. Lol.

Anyway, now is still the CNY period, so I want to wish everyone a Happy Chinese New Year!

新年快乐

万事如意

马年吉祥

身体健康

恭喜恭喜！！

Although most people would say may one collect lots of ang baos however, this time I would want to say have a good CNY because this is one of the times where you will see almost all of your relatives whom you won't meet often. Maybe not for some people but for me, Chinese New Year is one of the few festive where I look forward to. Not because of the ang bao collection but the meeting of all of my relatives! This is one of the moments where we meet up for more than just a day. Not just that, it is also the time where I get to see my cousin, Cheryl who is currently based in London. I also get to see her other half, whom they are planning to get engage this year!

I did not really have a good CNY last year so I am glad that this year is better plus the arrival of my baby nephew, Mark!

He is soooo cute!

Here's me and my nephew who was 1 day old only. I had nearly forgotten how to carry a new baby, but I am glad that I did not forget that baby's neck and back are the most vital parts that needed to be supported. I only get to see him once a week due to my work's schedule and that is the time when i get to notice how much he has grown. Although he is just weeks old, but his face and body is changing. He is simply adorable! He is very expressive, doesn't cry a lot although he makes a lot of noise such as when he was just stretching himself. Sometimes when he made some noise that sounded like he was crying, we would just wait awhile to see if his cry will escalate to the next level, which he would usually quieten down by then. :D

His sleeping pose are very cute too! Sometimes I would see his tiny feet stretched out of the blanket, or sometimes he would stretched so much that his body will be curved to the right/left.

Look at his tiny feet!

This year I skipped my annual reunion dinner. It felt different this year, and I must admit that I felt a bit.. depress. Every year, we would gather at my uncle's place, have dinner and play the sparkles. I always bundle them together and make patterns with it. Such as linking them together so that when sparkle 1 burns halfway, it will 'transfer' the fire to the next one and it will burn from the middle to the top and the bottom then somewhere it will burn the last one.

As I said, this year is a little different. Dajie is doing her confinement and even if she is not, she will have to go to her in-laws for dinner, mei is not going this year and that left me. Guess I decided to skip this year because it just felt different for me although I would very much like to go. The starting of Chinese New Year was bad.. and I looked forward to Day 1, which turned out well.

My usual CNY routine would be to temple to pay respect to my grandma first then to my uncle's house and lastly will be to my cousin (mom's side) place. This year, we managed to spend some time with them at uncle's because they returned from their visiting early. :D

We rushed over to my cousin's, which is like from one end of Singapore to the other end and still managed to see them all. Just in time for lou hei - they were waiting for us to arrive. Heh.

Wore my new pair of heels and I had forgotten to 'wax' my feet to reduce friction. Luckily Cheryl found some plasters for me. Haha. My feet suffered. Partly was because the padding weren't enough and so it was quite hard. The plasters made the shoe even tighter but it was better than no plasters at all! Too bad I did not get to soak them in a pail of hot water to make them feel really comfortable.

Second day of CNY, we went to my dua kim's place and as usual, I looked forward to the chicken wings and curry! Did not get to eat the limited tong shui and the otah was quite a disappointment this year. They tried something new and instead of peeling the meat from the banana leaves, they were wrapped and steamed in aluminium foil. That really kills the taste and it was very watery. Guess it was because the water were stuck in the foil during the steaming of the otah.

This year was also quite special because I get to see my other two nephews! The last time I saw them was like.. when they were really young? The kindergarten stage? It has been too long and now they had grown taller and .. older? Lol. It feels like.. time flies you know? The older one still remember us. Haha!

Day 3, was a last minute plan on day 1 when we asked AP bro whether will he be hosting the annual lunch at his place this year. And since day 3 happened to be on Sunday, which is a non-working day and he checked that he still had food in his refrigerator, so yup! Off we go to his place! 6th aunt did not host this year round because they found it too tiring to prepare the food and to do the cleaning up after.

Although there is no soup (da sao is really good at cooking and her soup is the best!), but the rest of the food were still yummy especially the curry! I had round two with bread and we kept snacking off the dining table even after we had our lunch. Haha.

AP bro then said "let's play MJ together! It has been too long since us, cousins play together."

It was good, it was fun and the biggest winner of the game? It was mei. Omg... she was just as noob as me but guess that 2014 is her lucky year. Must ask her to give me numbers to buy 4D. Lol.

I had just returned from my annual Heng's family dinner at the same restaurant we go to every year. I was seated at the same table as my cousins and this time, Joel brought his new girlfriend along. As I did not see her face when I approach the table and even after I'd sat down. He tried to introduce her to me and I still did not look at her and I said "Oh! I met her before already!" thinking that she was the same as last year's.. because when I asked him on day 1 about his girlfriend, he just said he did not bring her along but never did it occur to me to ask whether was it still the same one.. The look on his face was priceless, the twins and Gab tried to tell me that it was different and when I FINALLY look at her then I know.... I'd MADE A GRAVE MISTAKE... It was really funny lah and I laughed it out. I picked myself together and made the introduce. After that, I scolded Gab why didn't he update me about the change of girlfriend....





Remembered my big piggy bank were murdered during house shifting? Last Christmas, I received this during our annual family gift exchange. White pig is smaller, doesn't feel as shiok as the pink one. I am still planning to look out for the bigger size and once I have that, I will feed this pig something lighter, something that fits the name on his body. ;)

Even though it was just for almost two months, but I was quite well taken care of by the people in the temporary location, especially a person whom I can call Mr Nice Guy. He is the first friend I made and will always request to go for lunch with me. :)

And on my last day, he treated me lunch. I felt so bad and I really ought to return the favour to him.

The liang teh he bought for me when I was just recovering from my sore throat, the packaging looks like some soy sauce bottle hor?