depression's gone. ok. partially gone. thank you (u shld know who u r) for chatting up with me. ^.^ lifted my spirits up alil.. esp w "what's wrong with u?!" part and also, for not minding to listen to my problems.. haha and the hotel thingy..

im feeling so vex right now. just need to get it off my chest. get what off? i dont know. im beginning to feel that im very evil. i wanna talk to somebody but no one is free to talk to. even my bud is not available for me to talk to right now. i feel like.. bursting out. sigh, i seriously dont know. but i know im feeling very evil right now. been talking crap non stop, esp last night in game. if only last night didnt rain.. then perhaps, i might get the chance to go to the place where i wanna go. there, i wun get disturbed.

ugh.. can someone please talk to me? or is it, coz i dont wanna talk to somebody? even though they are there for me? am i rejecting everyone? i dont know.. my mind is in a jumble. i wish i could turn back time. i wish i am just me. i wish i can b the old me. i wish, life isnt that complicated. i wish to ... be alone. no.. i wish to talk. i wanna talk. i wanna keep talking! even lil's bz with her work to msg me. no msn for her too.

i think i'd ended it. im having a major problem and i dont wan additional problems right now. no more.

someone, please talk to me.

chris, i missed you badly.

i missed maz badly too.

can i stop pretending? can i.. stop pretendg to be happy?

had a rather enjoyable supper with ah soon and alson last night. tried alson's beef noodles, not bad but very oily. see him eat, makes me very hungry too... but gotta bear with it.. cant overeat coz on CNY ima gonna "BIG eat BIG drink'! hahaha. and also gotta make sure i can fit into my jeans.. which, speakg of it... just called up guess shop and they said its not ready yet.. omg.. they said ready for collectn in 1 week's time and they really do that?! anyway gonna pick it up on next monday. give them extra 1 more day to do it ah! if still haven... and im tired after work.. ima gonna rant at them. hahahah.. ok, mayb not IF the cute guy's serving me. hahhahah.

dont see me crap so much lame stuffs, but its just a great way to unwind oneself and do silly things at times. imagine after a long day at work, being serious and such, i dont wanna b serious in front of friends/family. i wanna let loose of my hair and crap around. people who aint close to me might get turned off or scare to talk to me again coz i talk too much. hey... i dont talk so much while workg leh.. too tired to talk crappy things.

anyway, i just wanna be ME. heck the world.

what's so great about shopping with your love ones? i shop w my sis, i dont find it enjoyable nor fun. and that applies to shopping with mr LHY! seriously speakg. i rather shop for computer parts or games or something that catches my interest. but definitely not shopping and which reminds me.. i have yet to buy my compact powder. troublesome.

ok. i make a good friend but a bad girlfriend. hahah. but im loving it. and i know im a selfish bitch. and i dont care.

ah ha... went on my shopping trip part 2 yesterday with dajie. jer joined us later.

1st, i went for a hair cut.. yea.. heh.. shorter but decided to change my next hairstyle in my next visit to d hair salon. that next hairstyle should last me for another.... xyrs?

anyway went to shop for tops and shoes. clarks edition all very limited.. coz the latest batch not here yet. then saw this pair of shoes at lacrose (forgot d spellg but its d crocodile lookalike de)? very chio but thats the only display pair they have right now.. muz wait for the stock to come in around.. apr. chked e polo tees out.. so ex. -.-" 100 buck per polotees... might as well go polo ralph to buy?

concludg my shopping trip part 2 of 18.01.06:- bought a pair of puma pumps, light pink de. very nice hehe.. cant wait to wear it.... and bought a.... bag. -.-" tried on alot of tops but either out of stock, last piece, no size or not nice at all. well, dajie and i set aside dis sat to go shop for tops @ far east le. then mayb if still cant find then walk over to heeren. i super sian liao... heng CNY occurs only once a year... otherwise...

so... decided to buy a t-shirt instead. nice tops? wait till next time bah. when i have more energy to shop. nearly cant wake up this morning.... tonight meetg alson and ah soon for supper!! cant wait!!

OH! thank you serge!! for helping me to check my grammar. thou u r v bz now. heh.. got 2 editors nia.. thou lil now bz camping her coffer... -.-"

ah.. goin to chk on serge.. see he read my story yet.

omg.. had this undoubtedly unreasonable client! his mobile was off in the morning when we tried to contact him countless times and yet, he still say his phone was ON the whole day. always give us last minute notice to finish his work and expect us to put off other clients' works. dont listen to people's explanation and rattled on and on and on. hell, if he aint my client, i'd have tick him off and asked him to f**k off! ok.. i wun do that, but i'll WILL mentally do that.

anyway, bian bian nan was askg me about his horoscope. found this one which is quite accurate, only on the Love part i dont know lol. you gotta ask yourself.

Libra
Nature: Librans love beauty and sophistication. They express rational and impartial judgements on any subject.
Love: Possessive and faithful.

found mine quite true too, on some parts lah. -.-"
Gemini
Nature: They are quiet, fascinating, clever and active. Extremely impatient. They often change their interest and activities. They are eager to know everything in a short time.
Love: They find it difficult to bind for a long time to their partners. They can be brillant and fanciful lovers.

Anyone wanna know about theirs? tell me and i'll help u check it.

went shopping with mei today.

first destination, BRA SHOP!! lol.. went to robinson @ centrepoint to shop for new undergarments. heh. got dis uncle .. ok, he's only 30s lah i think. well, he was standing in d middle of the bra department, waitg for his wife i guess. he seemed v awkward standing there. lol. anyway, i love the changing room there. very comfy and nice. room's big enough for a group of 4 - 5 girls and there's a chair in the room. mirrors at all corners and side, so makes it very convenient for u to view yourself back to front, side to side.

then we walked over to heeren, to look for my shoes. found the shop but din get to see any nice designs. headed off to taka then. alot of people nia.. but not as crowded as during xmas period. headed to guess shop, wah.. the guys there quite cute looking nia.. hehe.. bought a pair of jeans and gotta wait till next week then can get our jeans coz we alter it. din realise tht it was goin 7pm and the aunty knocked off le.

then.... we went to World of Sports i think, saw and tried some shoes but dont really suits me. went to another clothing store on the way, WH i think was d shop's name. material very cheap looking and not really nice though i love the colors. anyway, we tried some and left without buying. wanted to eat at the jap restaurant at basement 2 but .. it was closed and replaced by some jap .. dunno, rest cum fast food type? ended eating dinner at yoshinoya. by then, i was already very tired from shopping. so mah fan... -.-"

then we headed to G2 and cant find anything nice, went to harley davidson and bought 2 tee shirts there. mei bought 2 tee shirts and a polo tee.. wanted to ask her not to buy coz it looked lik some uniform (d staffs were wearing that one too..) but din really say much since she's already so high from shopping. after that... we decided to try last at espirit. nth much and d jeans/pants sux there. went home afterwards. deadbeat.... still muz go look for my shoes.. mayb after work on tues. goin cut hair too~ heh

well, met this guy in game. another fellow sg player. haha.. dun get the wrong idea. -.-"

anyway, the way he "speaks" reminded me of a friend. same pattern. like.. very chirpy. no matter what. and also, very .. talkative? hahah.. reminded me of those times when we were together. as friends, not couple. i mentioned about him once in my dec14th entry. although their personalities were kinda different as also their background, but haha.. that "feeling" was there lah. felt lik im talkg to my friend instead of d sg player himself. but 1 thing, they like to keep talking about CHIOBU! haiz..

seriously wondering, what is he doing now? where is he? how is he? by now, he should have ORD already... hmmm..

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how time flies... 25th of this month will be my grandma's death anni. already 4yrs le.. so fast when it just felt like.. last yr?

ah.. mayb this song that is making me think alot now. yea, its sent to me by tht sg player. posted it up here. headache, duno which one to put up because both are really good. except one is a rather heartbreaking music.. where if u happen to be going through a rough patch.. u'll most prolly feel worse and drop a tear or two. the other one is more.. lik a joyful song? not exactly joyful but brings out the fond memories which were hidden away.. deep inside. makes you think of those happier times you had, with your friends, families, love/loved ones.. yea. that's what im feeling right now.

made me think of my sec times. of that TP guy lol.. poly? ymca? alot.

thinking back, realised that once u'd missed a very good opportunity which was being threw in front of your face and u, because of shyness, worries, hesitation... and then fate decided to give u a chance, to grab it and again. u didnt. and your heart did a cruel job, of making you feel and learn the word "regret". and u'l be thinkg, why did i do this? why didnt i do that? why? so many whys... and so many if onlys...

or.. when u hate yourself for doing so many silly things when you were younger. i dunno what, but it just made u wonder, will you still repeat those mistakes and silly actions again? u'll tell yourself, nope! coz i'd looked back, learnt from it and wouldnt do it again. few years fast forward, u'll think back again and realised.. that u'd did it again. did the same silly o' action again. and u'll wnoder.. WHY? either u make an attempt to change yourself or resign to it, coz its just so u. if u change yourself, make sure, u are changing for the better, not for d worse. because.. u cant erase the history. people will remember what u do to them. u'll remember what u'd done. u'll feel..... what ur heart knows only.

anyway, a friend asked, what's my NY resolutions. i made up a whole list of them. but chucked it away. coz i dont think i can do it. so.. i'll just.. take a step at a time? juz .. wither my life away.

just remembered..

had chatted with zhiwei last night via msn. he was already in china. idiot.. never msg me to inform me. anyway had webcam conversation. realised that it has been a really long time since we last chatted and also meet up. ya.. coz we were both busy with our lives. he was busy with school and his gf. ^.^

was really glad that we get to chat up though it was for an hour only. hope to see him online again and to catch up alittle. sigh.. we met since.. 1997? now was .. 2006.. wah.. 9years le!!! sigh, i'd grad from poly for nearly 2 years le. coming may marks the official 2nd yr. lol. time flies.. wish i could stop the time though...

Good Morning ALL~

well, it has been raining for the past few days. so drink less cold drinks and more warm water ok? oh, and also cover yourself warmly. ^.^

juz sneeze lik.. 4 times. that is the first time nia.. in a row somemore. sigh.. though i love rainy days but rain for lik.. 1 week? is too much for me. i wanna see the sun too!! anyway 1 week of rain is nothing new le since last year was like this too but i hope that it will not rain during Chinese New Year (CNY). >.<

i wanna collect angpaos!!!!! and not get drench in my new clothings. sigh..

********************************************************

anyway heard a news yesterday about the seoul garden in taka (if i didnt get either info wrong) had smoke coming out of that restaurant. instructions were given and guards were asking the shoppers to make their way out of the shopping centre in case of anything. some people did as told but some juz ignore and continued shopping, thinkg that its just another exercise (recently there were some "bombing" in town).

i was thinkg... hey, even if its just some exercise, shouldnt you take some precaution and run for your lives? lets say, if that smoke was for real, and some people get injured or even death, so, who will they blame? i bet the first person they'll point fingers to will be the government. why? coz they had planned some exercise on terrorism. they'll blame anyone BUT themselves. how selfish of them. people just dont learn.

and also to comment on the fake bombings. read the reports in the newspapers. one of the reporters went to take part and her report were disappointing. it wasnt realistic at all!

imagine this, bomb went off in mrt train, people still waiting for instructions on what to do. the reporter returned to the carriage to retrieve her forgotten umbrella, no one stopped her. -.-"
is this REAL at all? nope. dont even have that feel of terrorism bit in there.

people were informed of the exercise that was gonna take place @ ???. i dont know but i feel, that no one should b informed at all only those who were gonna be "casualties" and top personels who were planning this. everyone were informed, were on standby. -.-"

i ask u lah, would the terrorists called you to tell you WHEN and WHERE will they be placing the bombs? even hospitals were on the standby. everyting was done chop chop due to the time they had set. lik they wanna finish everything in 4hrs? (if i didnt remember wrong. pls excuse me if im wrong)

even more disappointg was, some people still have COMPLAINS!! yes.. complains. about what? about being late for some appointment due to this exercise, about the shuttle bus coming too slow, Q too long and some were even drenched by the rain.

EXCUSE ME! you stil have the cheek to complain about this and that?! ha, if real terrorist hit, i doubt you'll even be alive in the first place, you DONT even have shuttle bus waiting to pick u up! ah.. getting wet by the rain.. yes, your body will be lying on the ground. hopefully someone will be kind enough to place an umbrella beside your body.

Kudos to the people taking part and making plans for this. but i would prefer it to be more realistic the next time. mayb there shouldnt be anyone making instructions on what to do. it should be more on.. instinct? i mean, if a bomb went off, would you still be sitting around waiting for instructions to come?

and it'll be good if the people involved lik army, scdf, etc were to be surprised by it instead of being told so that they'll be well prepared. coz they wouldn't know when will the terrorists strike.

oh yah!!

a big THANK YOU to lil aka keigo for helping me edit my story ^.^V

yea, she's my editor. heh.. to correct those grammar mistakes. oi oi, i decided to add one sephiroth's part in the next chapter~ heh.. still on writer's block but most prolly d idea's coming soon. have more romantic (to me lah.. ) scenes in the later part.. esp in d church. btw, i'd remodel the sectors in midgar. if its not impt, then i'll show u d layout for sectors 1 - 7. most prolly i'll describe em bit by bit in d story bah.

btw.. i wanna ask u this - where's the playground located at huh? sector 2 or 7?

THANK U once again heh..

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those who are interested, u can go find my story (but ima gonna repost it again once MY darling edit the first 4 chapters) @ fanfiction.net. (heh, lil, dun puke k?)

go and search for this story under games >> final fantasy 7.

title: modified era
pen name: tianxing

its not very good lah.. but hell, i juz wanna psot it up ok? no reviews is alright. =P

UPDATES!!!!!!

hmmm ok, last saturday went to queensway with dajie, mei, jer n dear. supposed to buy a pair CNY (chinese new year) shoes but end up couldnt find any appropriate one. dajie and i decided to go see clarks , mayb this week.

after that, we went to orchard, booked a room @ 12midnight at partworld. as it was only 11pm then, we went to cineleisure for dinner. there was this show showing on the tv at the food court which was quite.. interesting ^^ alil like ghost story. ANYWAY we walked over to partyworld after that. omg.. that place.. looked kinda lik those sleezy pubs where ppl will book a room and have those "girls" over to entertain them that kinda pattern. toilets were VERY dirty too. however.. the sound system and the big tv and the music didnt cut off suddenly AND they are good enough to allow you to finish your last song decently made up for it. (KBOX did not lor.. they cut u off. how rude...)

sang till 4am -.-"

took cab home, dump myself on my bed instantly. heck lol. woke up the next morning, smelt my room and it stinks.. of alcohol and smoke. if my parents didnt know better, they'd have thought we smoke in our bedroom. that reminded me of.... my cousin's room! we found an ashtray in her bedside drawer FULL of cigs. haha.. no wonder her room stinks all the time. her excuse? oh, she was took lazy to go and clear her ashtray... -.-"