To stay or not to stay...

And so, my milestone for 2015 will have 2 changes in my life instead of one major change.

Sometimes I wonder whether am I dragging this for too long and even until now I'm still dragging the inevitable. I guess it's bound to happen, it's just a matter of when only.  I do think whether my decision is right or wrong; will I regret making this decision; will I be able to stay firm with my resolve to move on?

Sure, there were times when I did feel happy but that was one of those rare times while the unhappy times are more? That tight knot in my heart is always adding weight to the unhappy scale.

Maybe I'm running away from issue unresolved; or I'm just walking out because it cannot be resolve...

I hope I'm making the right decision this time and won't look back with regrets. 

The Last Time

I'm sooooo tired now yet I can't help but to post this happy feeling swelling inside me. 

My buddy finally has a partner!! It was wonderful hearing how my buddy actually gushes about the partner and how he was so happy while talking about it. I can't wait to meet the partner. ;)

It kind of brings back memories of when one just started a relationship and you can't help but wanting to share your happiness that's bursting inside you.

2 weeks to 2016!

It's getting really inconvenient not having my own laptop else it'll be easier for me to post all my stuffs one shot over here instead of breaking them up into many different posts.

Wow.... it's been quite a while since I last posted... that was in August? 4 months had just flew by and in a few more weeks we will be welcoming 2016.

Many times I wanted to post something here however my thoughts doesn't stay on until I take out my phone to type.. So I'll just forget about it and leave it as it is..

Now, I made it a point not to take out my phone whenever I'm on the train. It is quite irritating to have people being in their own world, using their mobile phone while walking.... especially during rush hour. I mean, come on lah. Spare a thought for those who wants to do brisk walking. Plus I do not want to rely too much on my phone as well.. Like checking the phone constantly for messages or checking out social media like Facebook and Instagram. So during my journey to work, my phone will be used for just listening to music. I do hope my future boyfriend will not be someone who relies too much on his phone as well.. except for playing mobile games (while he's at home / work and not when he's walking) and only needs it for calls or messages. Sounds socially backward huh? Haha.

Anyway, not long after joining the company, we had this Star Event where it was done on a quarterly basis if I didn't remember wrongly. Different department has to think of a place to go / visit. So this round it was to Madame Tussaud. I think the last time I been to one was when they were here on a 'visit' basis and not here on a permanent basis and that was like..... almost 17 years back? I went there with my good pals and davie, took a lot of photos then.

There's Zoe Tay's handprint!

And Michael Jackson's!!

I felt so fat when I took the photo with her... and short. Lol.

It's the butcher!

Nah... it's just Madame herself making the head... if I didn't remember the caption wrongly.

Bought some new games..... that was like few months back. Completed my favourite Lego game, yet to touch the Witcher yet. I'm trying to complete Final Fantasy Type-O HD. Speaking of which, Final Fantasy 7 Remake is coming!!! I simply can't wait and I hope apart from making Cloud looking good, I hope they will spend some time making Sephiroth look good as well. Not just villain ugly but villain handsome.

Anyway the Cloud in Remake wasn't that good looking... his face is too sharp.. I remembered reading an article where they were asked why didn't they use the Cloud in Advent Children.. They responded with "AC took place 10 years later" after meteor hit Earth.. but the Cloud in Remake seemed older than Cloud in AC to me..

Just hope the remake will be good as there's no room for disappointment.

Bought a pair of new shoes! It's so comfy that it fits your feet and it's light!

It was Mid-Autumn festival and we received a lot of mooncakes from business partners. I was totally amazed at the creativity of those mooncake boxes. I mean, I had the idea that the mooncakes could be placed in normal looking boxes but these are ... WOW! They really spent a lot of time and effort on making the boxes looking so nice just to hold the mooncakes. Had too much of them that I got sick of mooncakes after while... I'm not a big fan of them as well.

All the way down to this detail.

We bought these snowskin mooncakes from Grand Hyatt. There was a roadshow for mooncakes near my workplace. Tasted all the different flavours and super love them all!!!!!

Ubisoft had an open house for charity... it was an eyeopener seeing their office and studio although it was quite far.................. Office space was quite small too, so it was quite squeezy with all the people there. It was like a dream job to work there though... all the TVs and sofas.. playing games in office... sigh. Not forgetting having a life-size character from AC standing there watching you.

Bought these as a keepsake. :)

Super can't bear to wear the tee-shirt.

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Okay, shall continue the next part another day... haha.. time to rest. It's 10pm now.

Sometimes it is best to just move on with life and stop looking back at the unpleasant past and present.

Things don't work out all the time and ... sometimes when it's time to let go, just let go.. There's no point in holding on to something just for the sake of doing so without a reason.. And no point in changing oneself when they can't change themselves at all.

Anyway I have been dreaming too much... I need to pull myself back to reality at times to avoid disappointment or get my hopes high on a one-sided thought / feelings. Aiya.. also don't know how to put it in words.

Hope you guys have planned out lots of Christmas Parties for this month with close friends and family!!

Blowing off some steam.

Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with some people!

One who was given plenty of chances to change their ways but just can't keep their itchy fingers to themselves. I think that's comparable to asking someone to stop gambling but they can't even though their families were threatened or even to the extend of having their own fingers being chopped off!

Another one was who just kept staying faithfully by that person's side no matter what. From a third person point of view was: Why the F**K does that person stays?? Why can't that person just leave them alone and just move on with their lives? They will be happier that way! When will they wake up? Until to the extend of not able to take it anymore? Better late than never no?

I'm just ranting here for some reason. And I'm getting extremely pissed off.

Happy 50th Birthday Singapore!

So it has been a month since I started work at my new company. It has been good, I am still learning new things, learning how to go about doing it, still need more research.

What was the first thing I did was to add some designs my on nails - which was forbidden by my previous co. Took me close to 3 hours to find what I want and I chanced upon this Japanese complementary nail art.

What else did I do? I cooked of course! :)

I was craving for macaroni soup for a long time and decided to cook it. :) Turns out well.

Ever since I saw Jeremy's mom cooking bee hoon, I have this goal to cook my own bee hoon as well. So I tried.. my first attempt! Although the ingredients were easy to prepare, it was the cooking part that was the toughest! Cooking bee hoon was so tiring that I think my hands and arms actually gained some muscles! Haha.. Now I know why some bee hoon are so oily because they compensate water for oil. Mine, I just added water so that the bee hoon won't be too dry but it was alright because the bee hoon were consumed after cooking. If you are going to keep it longer, then yes, you'll need to add more oil instead. Well, that's my theory. Haha. Let me know whether am I correct or not. Even though it was tiring, I don't mind cooking bee hoon again. I love bee hoon! Actually, I love bee hoon and mee! Anyway my next dish in mind will be mee tai mak (mouse tail)! I want to do a soup base instead.

Aton and I had been planning to cook at my place and the one thing we wanted to cook was Chicken Rendang! We got the recipe from her sister and it turns out well! Just that... it tasted a bit sweet.. heh. Most probably because I prepared too much gula melaka for her. So with the rest of the gula melaka, I'm thinking of doing ondeh ondeh. The last time I made that was when I was still in secondary school. So now, I would like to try doing it again. :)

I received a surprised call from WH one day asking whether will I be working on the eve of the long weekends (06/08/15, Thurs) which I said yes. The outlet he was working at was having a team outing and asked whether would I want to join them for 2 rounds of bowling which should end around 1am. I agreed immediately! Haha. Although I had left the company but it doesn't mean I don't miss my ex-teammates. Actually, I do missed working with them at times.. it was quite different between office hours and retail hours but I certainly did not regret doing a 360 career switch. My network expands, my contacts expanded as well.

Anyway, I enjoyed myself during the outing and I was really really glad that they did not forget me and invited me along for this night!

This is the view taken from the boardroom.. it was a beauty isn't it? I always felt so relax and comfortable whenever I look at this view.. it was so peaceful.

Finally!! My stationaries arrived and I began to beautify my workstation more. Next up will be an air diffuser for the room! Really, the room need a woman's touch! Haha.

Anyway, I was listening to L'arc en Ciel's songs while typing this blog post. I really like their songs a lot as well as Gackt and sometimes I wish they will stop growing old so that they can keep singing great songs for us to listen to, to love and to enjoy. I was glad that I made it to their L'arc en Ciel's concert because that was the first and I guess, only concert in Singapore.

In Loving Memory of Ah Ma.. 24072015

And so, today is the last day of the wake.. which is one where I dread most. At least, even during her wake, I know she's still here. Her body, is still with us.. she's still with us. Even if it's her funeral we are holding, I would wish the funeral will go on forever.. that way, we don't have to bade her farewell for good. At least, to me, as long as the wake is still ongoing, it's not over yet.

For the good 5 days, I had managed to hold back my tears at the funeral.. where I was surrounded by my relatives.. but the moment I was back home, I was alone and my tears will flow automatically even when I wasn't thinking about it.

Today, was the worst. We had to sit beside her coffin, facing it and when the visitors gave their last respect to my ah ma, there's a band that will play a song in the background and that made it very hard to hold back my tears. I could control my tears when we were walking behind the van containing her coffin but when it came to us at the viewing room seeing the coffin moving towards the furnace, it was getting harder and harder to contain the tears... It was the final farewell... I know, ah gong and ah ma #1 are there waiting for her.. She'll be in good hands I know.. but it just hurts... that the news just came suddenly. From after her usual checkup at the clinic where the doctor gave the all pass to the part where she suddenly had her brain's artery burst after she left the clinic... to the part where the doctor at the hospital gave the green light that my ah ma can be discharged and my ah yi is confident enough to take care of her needs to doctor saying her oxygen level is very low and asked us to visit her.... which minutes later, she was declared dead. There I was given the hope that she will recover when the doctor announced that she could be discharged only to have the bad news slammed upon me. These happened within 3 weeks.. I wished I had made time to visit her more frequently at the hospital instead of assuming that things are going well.

For the past few days, I looked at my aunts and uncles... and I really wished that they do not have to grow old or pass away... I do not wish to send them off due to old age or any other matters. I just wish that we could all live and be as what it is now. First generation was quite crowded because of the many siblings they have.. and when it was the second generation, it was down to 0 - 4 kids.. of the 11 siblings, about 2 did not get married and the 3rd's children do not really join us for all events like CNY except recently. So for the third generation, there are like 0 - 3 kids and of the 20 grandchildren (estimated), only 5 of them have about 2 - 3 kids.

First Generation - Children of Ah Ma #1 & 2, who are my aunts and uncles too.

Second Generation - Us, grandchildren of Ah Ma..

Third Generation - Our nieces & nephews.. Great Grandchildren of Ah Ma.

So you can see, the numbers are getting smaller and smaller, which maybe to the point where when it's my funeral, you wouldn't be needing 2 double deckers to ferry the family + Relatives to the cremation site.

Because of this, I'm going to start planning activities where we wouldn't be seeing each other once a year for CNY only for both my paternal and maternal side. I want to keep both sides as close knitted as possible!

I will be making a Family Tree for both sides.. only thing is.. my maternal side is quite big.. so I'm thinking of ways on fitting everyone inside.

Anyway, looking at it.. I guess it is her way of bringing us together again... Everyone meets up and spent time together like during CNY. Maybe she wants to bring us closer to each other... The past 5 days was like a mini gathering.

Rest in Peace Ah Ma... You had spent enough time with us.. Now it's time for you to spend some time with Ah Gong.

So just like that.. I'd lost all my grandparents from both sides..

So it came suddenly... BAM!

Today was suppose to be a happy day... My boss treated me lunch... But it wasn't... For I saw the message that said my ah ma oxygen level is very low.. And advised her kin to come and visit her at the hospital. The next thing I know.. They said ah ma had passed away.

I didn't shed tears on the spot... I wasn't feeling anything.. It was too sudden.. Although I knew she was in the hospital but things seemed to be picking up to the extend the doctor said she was ready to be discharged.. And my aunt could take care of her at home.. So I had the mindset that she was alright and recovering...

I wished that was a joke or I wished that message didn't exist.. But the arrangements for her funeral was already done. The site for her funeral was already decided. So it's true...

Throughout the day, I didn't feel any indifference. It's just like any normal day although the knowledge of her passing was stuck at the back of my mind...

Even till now as I was typing this message I wasn't bawling away but I know, once I see her body in the body.. I won't be able to stop my tears from flowing.

Rest in peace ah ma and I hope you'll meet ah gong in heaven. Next year CNY is going to be different without you. 

So far so good..... and bad.

So, updates!

Last day with current co will be on 15th! Well, about time I leave and try on something else. So after 8 years, this will be my greatest achievement so far. :)

I can't say my past 8 years have been in vain for I'd been with the company through thick and thin. Weathered through all highs and lows, learned a lot and I guess it is getting kind of stagnant for me. In the past, I was not very receptive to start all over again but I guess now that I've finally grow up, I am game to learn new things, expand my network (hopefully).

My 2015 birthday was pretty good. Celebrated with my family and friends. Booked a room at Ritz Carlton which was superb. My day was spoilt by a dim sum brunch at Paradise and that was a bad start of my day however RC turned it around and ended the rest of the day memorably. 

I was given a normal view initially however Kimberly at the front desk found out I was celebrating my birthday there (at Ritz Carlton), she gave me a free upgrade to the MBS view. (Yay!)

The view taken from my room. 

The first word that came out from our mouths were "WOW!".

The room, it's the normal suite I think was big! There's a sitting area and sleeping area so the room was quite spacious and not small. 

The toilet was the size of my room. That's kinda pathetic right? I got a little depress when I went back to my room and realized that fact and I could just visualize where the tub, basins, shower and toilet are located at. 

The wardrobe wasn't spared as well. It was like a mini walk-in wardrobe with plenty of drawers. I wished I was a tourist who was staying in this hotel for at least a week! I most probably won't step out of the room at all!

After all the shopping with my sisters and nephews, we called it a day. B and I returned to the room. From the walkway all the way back to the hotel, there were some hotel employees who would greet you regardless you are a guest of the hotel or not which I think was very... Nice? Man, this word doesn't do any justice to that I want to convey. There's no discrimination you know? You felt welcome by them. :)

Next time I know, there was a ring in my room and I wondered what could it be for we didn't order any room service. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with another surprise. Apparently Kimberly went to the extra mile and had a mini birthday cake sent up to my room along with some refreshers. No words could describe what I was feeling then. I was pleasantly surprised, I felt like crying with tears of joy. There was even a hand written card by Kimberly which I felt had a personal touch as it wasn't printed on electronically - that kind of generic template you know?

We enjoyed the cake, only a pity that it arrived a little too late otherwise I could share it with my sisters and nephews - that can't be helped too for they can't keep an eye on my in/out of the room. Soaking in the tub with a view just beside me was heavenly. I was reluctant to get out of the tub and I was unwilling to sleep early. I don't want the magical night to end. I don't want my night stay at Ritz Carlton to end.

The view that greeted me the next morning. Sigh. It was time to leave the place and I was practically dragging my legs out of the bed, I was literally hugging the door tight, not wanting to let go. 

Thanks Ritz Carlton and Kimberly for making my birthday celebration 2015 such a memorable one. This is one memory I would never ever erase. This is one feeling that will stay in my heart.

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Updates:

Just heard a piece of news that my ah ma had a critical brain artery burst, doing operation on her head was not advisable due to her age - she's 82 now and it may not be successful while will result in death. If opting out of operation, she may leave anytime as well hence her situation is quite bleak. We can only pray that it will stop bleeding and she will recover from it. Seeing her on the hospital bed was quite heartbreaking for me as she's my ah ma, the one who always give us money to buy candies when we were little kids, shield us from my mother when she's scolding her, let us play with the leftover flour in her factory (she and my ah gong used to make those noodles / wanton skins).

She can't talk to us nor open her eyes however she could move her leg and hand. I held her hand and her grip was tight. How long since I last held her hand?

I pray with all my heart that she will recover quickly.

Happy birthday to me

Wow... It's been some time since I last posted. I thought having the app on my phone will make it convenient and I will post my thoughts here more often since I do not have a laptop yet. I've been controlling not to buy things I want in one shot like a new laptop and a new phone.

Anyway today is my birthday and I'm kinda happy to have friends, those who mean to me messaging me. No plans to do any big celebration but at least I get to go sing karaoke today, eat Burger King for dinner. Yum yum!!

Another good news is... I've tendered! Finally. After a good 8 years with the company and now is enough. Hopefully with this, I can go and take up Japanese again, complete the course and get my certificate. I still intend to continue school and get my degree but that will have to wait.. One baby steps at a time.

Final Fantasy 7 Revisit! Plus some updates on the reality world.

Before I go into that, I was on the way home on the cab and i overheard this song playing on the radio - PJ & Duncan: Eternal Love 

There was no introduction on that song but having heard and loved it, the song title & group name came into my mind automatically. I just need to share this song with you guys. Who have actually heard of them before? I think it was during my era... maybe almost 20 years back?

Sigh, to think of it... last time when I was younger and saw people whose birth year was 1970's, it made me felt young and now, I'm seeing year 1990's and took a quick calculation, I bet they must be thinking the same as I use to.

Here, enjoy their song. :)

==========================================================

Anywayyyyyyyyyyy it has been some time since I last blog.. Even with technologies - app on mobile, I am still lazy to get myself updating.

Some updates.. Managed to meet up with my girl pals for KTV night last Tuesday! Finally! I get to sing again!

I am back to yoga! It is more like a once a week session and sometimes I felt a little more hardworking and practice it at home.

Plus I didn't realise that I had gained so much weight! I mean... now my thighs are big, my stomach is big, my arms are big and my friends said I had put on weight.. I'm so sad. All these eating, supper and adding of age is starting to take it's toll on me. :(

So it is time to start eating healthy (I hope.. for the Wendy's downstairs had closed it doors and KFC is taking over! OMG! My weakness! I can foresee myself eating it at least once a week!) and have more self-discipline to start working out. This is my 2015 resolution! Lose my extra weight!

Met up with my ex-colleagues at Paulaner although Hachiko cannot make it sadly. It was fun and great catching up! Hopefully our next metope - Pulau Ubin Trip on a Weekday will materialise after PP's wedding.

==========================================================

So what's with that title you may wonder and not ask.

I cannot remember exactly how it came about as well but it seems that it all started from Advent Children.. I think seeing it on TV or something and then my interest and memories of Final Fantasy 7 returned.

OH! I REMEMBERED NOW!

I saw the preview of an app called "Final Fantasy Record Keeper", downloaded it and the first door I saw was Final Fantasy 7! Played and unlocked "Cloud's" character and then all about FF7 came flooding back to me.. The songs, the game, the movies, the characters especially about Aerith/Aeris. She died on me and I was hoping that she would be revive but that did not happen. The game did not give me enough time to mourn on her death and I had to move on after Cloud buried her in the pool. I couldn't let go of her after all the handwork I had put in on levelling her up and making Cloud bringing her out on a date at the Golden Saucer. Ah.. those memories.

I super love the game and up till now, I cannot forget it.

All along I only remember the main characters on FF7 the game and I didn't pay much attention to the other character - Zack. I didn't really get to spend much time with him for he practically does not exist in the game as a playable character for he died before the gameplay. I went to watch the movie - Crisis Core which focus on Zack.

That was when I started to feel for him, he was feeling torn between his friends, seeing them die and going crazy. He fighting alone to protect another, he meeting Aeris which made sense when Aeris dropped hints about Cloud looking like Zack. I kinda felt sad for Zack in that story.

Where would you like to visit?

I think I need a break from work. Especially since I haven't have a decent holiday trip overseas since... 2013?

Haven't have the mood to work lately eventhough my figures is dropping. 

Let me see, 2012 I managed to go to two places.. Hong Kong and Thailand. I can't say I have much memory of the trip there but it wasn't that bad till I totally hate it. 

2013 ... Was kinda like a turbulence ... Full of ups and downs.. No holiday trip. 

2014... Managed a trip to Thailand with my secondary school friends.. Kinda a down trip because it didn't go as fun as I want it to be. Although the up was when I get to meet another friend who happened to be there on a trip with his friend. The end year was sucky. 

2015.... Planning a big trip and I really hope it will be a blast for I really need this break. Though I would love to go on a short trip mid year. I can't say this year is a good year.. There are things that I should have do but did not. I just hope that by mid year everything will turn out to be better. That my life will change for the better. 

Time to go on a short trip everyone!!!!!!!!

Lists of countries I would like to visit:

- Denmark 

- Sweden

- Finland

- Taiwan

- Korea

- Switzerland

- Germany

- Poland

- New Zealand 

- Japan (again)

Hopefully I can cover at least 2-3 next year!

Bye 2014 and Hello 2015.

A summary of my 2014!

Time flies. It's 2015 and we are already in March! 9 months till end of 2015. Although it may sound like a long time to Dec but if you think of it, Dec will come and find you faster than you realise that!

So fast that in 3 month's time, someone will be flying to Australia to study and stay there for good. As much as one would like to make every moment count, sometimes that thought of leaving that someone for good just push you away and not think about it.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYY.....

It's DIM SUM DOLLIES TIME!

I bought an extra ticket in case someone could join me, however the people who shared the same interest as me are unable to make it. It's my fault anyway, for asking them at the last minute. Oh well, it was good having the seat beside me being empty. So that I don't have to deal with people who talks all the time or people who uses their phone. That pissed me off. I mean, respect the performers and their show! Don't anyhow do recording although I know the audience are as excited as I am, to be there watching it live. :)

The part where they encouraged us to bring out our phones. I was and am glad that I was able to make it for the show. It just so spectacular and I was reminded of how long has it been since I last watch a performance like this.

After the performance, we decided to drop by Harry's for a small drink and finger food. Such fun! And thanks to Christabel for recommending the Apple Cider drink during our meet up at Harry's @ MBFC.

So comes the annual 赵 family christmas event. :)

I will try to make it an annual event with games and gifts exchange so that we will meet up more often than just once a year for Chinese New Year.

This year is sightly better because dong dong, Sabrina, Cheryl and Stuart joined us. Sadly xiuwen jie & hubby were unable to come.

I rushed to buy the materials for the games after researching them online. I need to make some improvements on the forfeits for the losing team. Thinking of which, I had an idea for 2015 Christmas Party!! The ideas just came flowing through! OMG! Now I can't wait for Christmas 2015!

I am actually thinking of planning an annual event with the Heng family. I would like to do a Halloween party with the kids - I think it will be real fun.

Dajie collated the pictures for me. It's a pity we didn't get to take a lot of photos.. Maybe I need to bring a photographer next time.

Look at the gift exchange cards I had prepared!

It was fun initially however after a while it gets a tad boring. Maybe because there are too little people to do the exchange, I'm not sure. It was the same few people who kept getting their gifts changed. Anyway, I had some ideas for this year christmas and it sure is more exciting than last year!

We did Pictionary and it was fun! It was cool seeing how the mother and son had the same wavelength as it was always the mother and son who managed to guess each other's drawing correctly! I had managed to take a picture of the last one. See how artistic everyone is.

HUAT HUAT 新年快乐！ Happy Chinese New Year! This year is the year of the Sheep! Too many people doing sheep so I decided to do 發財貓 (seems like it looked better in traditional chinese than in simplified chinese) or what we call Fortune Cat. My girlfriend painstakingly handprinted everything on my nails! It ain't easy but I really love it very much! She purposely drew one opened eye and the other is closed. If I didn't remember wrongly, she said the open eye is to welcome wealth/money and the close eye is to retain them. She spent at least 2 hours to do mine and I was the third in queue. In a way, I'm glad that she does this for close friends only and not for everyone. That makes it all the more special and I'm worried for her back and eyes too. She started around wish to 8pm and ended around 3am or slightly after. I felt so heart pain for her and at the same time I felt very proud of my nails!

This year I did not join my dad's family for reunion dinner. Instead, I invited my non-chinese friends over for reunion dinner. It was fun and we had steamboat together while Zham made siew mai for us to try - which was delicious!!

Leo baked peanut-butter cheese cake for us all! That's very sweet of him and look at it! I thought he bought it. It was delicious!!

Lastly, we did the lou hei for luck, health and prosperity. It was fun! I'm glad that everyone enjoyed themselves. :)

My Chinese New Year 2015 was a very fun event this year. I had enjoyed myself thoroughly. This is the period where I ate a lot for 4 days straight. By the end of the 4th day, I had ate a total of 6 lou hei! I'm not complaining because this is the only period where I ate lou hei and also where I did a lot of visiting at my cousins!

Ang Paos are secondary. What's important is meeting up with my relatives. :)

Brought home a tent given by my boss as she found it while she was cleaning out her storeroom.

Mark was quite careful about going in while Eli just ran in straight and declared it his home. Haha.

That's Mark entering it while staying near the entrance playing with the balls.

Dajie was telling us the conversation she had with Eli the day after he played with the tent.

Eli: Mummy, I want to go to my house.

Dajie: Where is your house?

Eli: In *por por's house.

*Por Por is his grandma which is my mom.

Sometimes it is really interesting to see how the toddler's mind works. The questions they asked and the things they said. That was way before they are introduced to the tainted world outside. They are so full of innocence and no judging of things.

What is justice? It's just a one-sided affair.

I don't know. Something just happened to someone close to me. Nothing to do with accidents or death but it was enough to affect my mood.

Maybe it's because of what had happened that caused me to have insomnia last night. I couldn't sleep and was just wide awake till 4am. I wasn't thinking about what had happened... Perhaps my brain was just trying to block it out.

Why make a person go through the humiliation when they already have no intention of listening to their employee's side of story and had decided the conclusion?

Why call it an investigation when it is not really at all for they are more worried about their xxx than protecting their staff because that xxx is not really right in their head and was bitter over a bad breakup????

(Sorry. It's up to your imagination on what xxx is because it is a little sensitive to put in the full term.)

Why have DOUBLE STANDARDS and not supporting their employees for following the correct procedures? Instead contradict oneself by bending towards their will? Doesn't that say something?

Why listen to one side and not have some trust just because they are (maybe) worried that words get round to high authority? So by covering themselves they chop off the limbs of an able worker. 

If you don't place your trust on your workers, if you don't support your worker, why do you think some will stray? 

HR although is powerful for they can make or break you however aren't they supposedly the ones to support us? Are they the one whom we feel that we can trust and relies on? How can they just let people suck up to them just to earn popularity points just to safeguard themselves? Throughout these years, my impression of HR had been diminished. I had always feel that HR are the people's person where they won't be biased or be influenced by others when passing judgement nor will they play politics. That we can go to them without worries knowing that their judgement will be fair and we will be safe in their hands and our secrets will stay with them till they die. Unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case.. How can one act to be concern for you and changed suddenly like they are trying to play balls on both sides of the court? To show they are nice and mean at the same time. I really have lose hope. 

This incident is enough to tell me all.

We are expendable. 

What's the point so giving so many days of leave when I don't have the luxury of clearing them. Planning and taking leave is supposed to be fun and exciting however it seems to be quite the opposite for me. It is stressful not from planning of itinerary but from work.

Teamwork? What is that? It doesn't seem to exist here for the 'parent' seem to be finding ways to break us apart and maybe be an individualist where we will become selfish pigs and started stabbing each other's back while they look through the glass windows.

What support when they are more concern about what others think of them than what we think of them. They are more eager to please the externals than the internals.

I just feel unjust for the victim who was not given any chance nor any slightest 'benefit of doubt'. No justice. Just treated like a weed who needs to be removed because it stood out like a sore eye.

And that wasn't the first victim nor the last I dare say. 

And finally, practice what you preach! Please la, you don't just point at the person just because they happened to be there for you to poke but touch your own heart and ask yourself the same question that you shoot at others - DO YOU NOT DO THE SAME???????????

I believe in karma.