Like the video: The heart wants what it wants

I think this is one of her nicest songs although the mv doesn't quite suit her.. Maybe it is because of her babyface.

It is kind of true. Why do some people stay with their partners although they treat them like shit / doesn't treasure them / cheated on them.. Etc.

The heart wins whe it comes to emotions.. While the logical mind is trying to talk and convince the heart that she (I feel heart is more like a girl. Soft, gentle, you know, when it comes to feelings) should just walk away in the nasty relationship that is bearing fruitless results. However the heart doesn't wants to listen and ignore all the warning signs and that resulting in a broken heart. The heart may lose faith in future relationships and shut herself in, or it may nosedive into yet another meaningless relationship - doesnt learn from the previous relationship and get hurt again.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij_0p_6qTss&sns=em

I hope those who are in a bad / meaningless / no future relationship, please try to walk away from it and don't look back. It ain't easy I know and I understand but it is better to break it off before it gets deeper. It won't bore any fruits but it will only cause you to be unhappy. Not point stretching the relationship any longer because just like the rubber band, the longer you stretch, it will snap eventually and you'll end up hurting no one but yourself. If the person did something bad to you once - lied to you, cheated on you, abused you verbally or physically, they can do it again. And it is even worse if it is a combination of more than one of the bad thing.

2014 is coming to an end, time to do some changes to yourself and your life perhaps? Do something for 2015, start it with a fresh chapter of your life, don't look back unless you want to learn from mistakes and not to run back into the arms of the person who hurt you ever and over again.

I have already prepared a small goal for myself and will try to achieve it in 2015. I am quite excited about it and no... It doesn't have to do with any make over or losing weight... I gave up on that thought long time ago.. I have a few goals lined up and I will try to make some changes to my life for once. And perhaps for once I will achieve all of them and not just one of them or none of them.

加油everyone for 2015!!!!!!!!!

A person who lied once will keep lying and never tell the truth. So when they start to tell the truth, who will believe? If the person wants to change, who will believe that they will or have changed for the better?

A person who can give out their numbers to strangers so easily just because they find them attractive or in the heat of the moment, the percentage of them cheating is there and trust me, they will cheat on you with the ones they are interested in or are attracted to.

A person who claimed to be proud of you as their partner but doesn't show it 

A person who abused you is a beast who even though claimed to be in a bad mood or is drunk hence they're out of control... That is just excuses. And they will keep doing it and it will not get better but worse.

The above are not worth keeping nor staying with because they do not respect you, they do not deserve your love.

Bangkok 2014

Before I head towards the trip, I thought I add something else too.

See, before my leave starts on 17/12/14 (I was clearing my leave), there was an email memo to offering Macbook at $600 for a 2010 series - which is a good deal right? So I bid for it and got my buddy to bid for it too. One of my colleague bid for an Asus laptop as well.

Then one fine day, that colleague of mine suddenly said in Whatsapp that he had 'won' the Asus laptop! So I quickly checked my email on my bidding status - unfortunately I did not have that luck.. Maybe it is because a lot of people are bidding on the same item as me. Oh well... I am eyeing a new MacBook.. which I am thinking of getting it when The Sims 4 is launch for Mac OS or I will just get it so that I can easily upload the photos when doing my blog stuffs as well as backing up of my photos. My iPhone 5 is crying out to me everyday to get the load off its back. I had underestimated my usage especially after my first nephew was born. Too many photos and videos of him and I had to resort to upgrading my iCloud storage size which later I became paranoid that my photos will not be fully backup into the cloud. Later, I decided to use my dropbox and tried to load everything in.. which my free upgraded storage trial had ended in November and so I am just stuck with the lack of space in my iPhone 5. I had to delete any photos deem unnecessary as well as delete games that takes up too much space in the phone. So my phone practically is just phone for calls, messages and perhaps to check Facebook when my iPad is not with me. Well, it is good in some ways.. like I will be able to spend time looking out at the scenery - which is impossible for me because the train I take everyday goes underground and never above ground.

Anyway, back to my leave from 17 November - 02 December.

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I didn't do much for my leave except to stay at home and played my newly purchased Dragon Age Inquisition. It was really..... I don't know how to put it but I felt like.. I was back in the game, in their world when I revisited Redcliffs and The Deep Roads. I tried to visualise how it was like in Dragon Age 2 and that feeling felt warm. I had been there and I had fought there.

DAI was slightly different this time.

I have to make a disclaimer first. All these are based on my personal opinion and it may not agree with you (if you are playing DAI).

The main character is like.. the leader of the Inquisition and they made the game with options and choices which will affect the story as it progress. You can reply with "I don't know" or with a firm "Yes" or a firm "No".  These will affect the people around you. They need answers and they need reassurance which you as the main character can choose to give them or not.. or even to let them feel more confused with "I don't know". There is a sense of responsibility and it is up to you as a leader to give them assurance or not. Initially I picked "I don't know" when they asked whether was I the chosen one or when will it all ends and whether can the hole in the sky be closed. As I played and get deeper into the story, I felt that I have to choose ultimately and it is either I make or I break - I chose not the latter.

The map is bigger with more exploration, a lot of running about to collect stuffs such as the shards, quests to earn experience and perks. Fighting style is quite different - there is not much options for the AI when they are fighting with you. If my memory did not fail me, you used to be able to control how much lyrium potion for the mages and health potions for the warriors. Now you have to switch to the mages in order to consume lyrium. Maybe I have yet to explore further to see if there is such an option.

It is kind of sad to see the mages and templars have all fallen apart and it was even more heartbreaking to see the grey wardens have either died or disperse because there is no need for them anymore - there is no more spawns. I had spent my time playing as a grey warden in DA 1 & 2 and I really feel for them. They are thinning out and a lot had died during the war with the spawns.

Anyway it will take some time for me to complete DAI.. somehow it felt kind of lengthy but I will finish the game eventually. I have Assassin Creed Unity waiting for me and I want to try playing the Multiplayer! As well as I had received an email notification that the stock for Lego Batman Beyond Gotham has arrived! So many games to play.. Oh, why am I not on leave at this time?

I had tried cooking a vegetarian style hokkien mee and it was good but could be better.. Maybe it will taste better with some 三成肉. That, I can only try cooking after January 16 - it's the 100th day.

It was kind of scary how big the portion was when the amount of noodles I grabbed was less than a fistful of it.

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Bangkok Trip 21 November - 25 November

It was kind of exciting when we decided to ride on this trip when one of our friends was going there on her business trip and was our first time to actually go on this trip. I mean we had talked about it but we had never fulfil it. Imagine this, we have been friends since secondary school.. friends of 18 years!

Frankly speaking.. I was quite skeptical when it comes to booking air tickets.. I took a budget airline once and I had actually told myself NEVER to sit on it again. Not because I am being proud but the experience I had was enough to make me think thrice or maybe if possible, to avoid it totally. This time, we took another budget airline... and I was telling myself.. since the incident had happened so long ago, it shouldn't bother me by now... which I was WRONG! One of them was on a budget so we had to get the cheapest air ticket.

The plane was the smaller one with just one aisle. I could feel the slightest pressure on the plane and especially when I was sleeping! As we were approaching Bangkok, the plane took a dip where you can just imagine my body turning green starting from my feet all the way to my head. I was so scared that I will vomit that I standby with a paper bag. The change of altitude was there and the landing... omg. My stomach flipped too many times that I had lost count. I was just glad to be out of the plane. However, I must say, the service provided by the crew was superb and far better than SIA. I still remember the service provided - they don't smile. Seriously. Budget airline crew fare better. They smile a lot and one of them (I think is a senior crew) participated in a joke we made when we were boarding the plane. It just made me felt at ease then.

The paper bag I had in standby.

I won't go much into details of where I went because I believe most of the places would have been visited by tourists who had visited BKK at least once. I'm sure Platinum, Pratunum, Siam Paragon, etc all sounded familiar to you right?

Photos are all courtesy of JW, our official photographer.

CX had a friend who recommended this place called "KarmaKamet" near the Emporium.

Nice place and the building looked like a combination of a greenhouse and a warehouse. Just beside the dining area was the scents - selling scented hand/body lotions, diffuser, etc. Basically aromatic oils.

The Dining Area - Indoor

I don't remember this area.. but it should be somewhere behind which I did not fully explored.

One of the fruit bowl that came with the meal.

The Big Breakfast that I had my eye on but couldn't have because it is all meat. I had some waffles instead which tasted too.... thick that I couldn't finish.

One of them drank coffee.

Out of the 4 desserts we ordered, only 1 did not have the cotton candy on it.. Initially it looked fun to have the cotton candy there but the novelty died down when the second and fourth dessert arrived with cotton candy on it. It was almost like an overkill on the cotton candy.. perhaps they should try something different with each desserts so that people would want to try almost everything to see what was it like? Something like a surprise?

We ended up placing the candies by the side and ignored it totally.

Me attempting to rape the first cotton candy.

"I'M GOING TO EAT YOU UP!"

"I TEAR YOU APART!"

"NOM NOM NOM!" *Happy* I have not eaten a cotton candy for so long that I had lost touch of the last time I ate it.. So I was quite excited to see such colourful candy sitting on top of my dessert.

If I am not wrong, this is the lavender flavoured ice cream and fillings inside the puffs. Overkilled and I kind of dislike the taste of the lavender. Too overpowering for me although it was special.

Much liked fruit stall at Chatuchak after walking around for so long. I did not spend much because it was the 3rd day and I had already overspent my $$. Plus I was scared to drink water (not because I was scare of their water or what) because I was scared that I need to pee and it was quite troublesome to find a toilet - it was usually full and you'll have to queue.. and usually there is no toilet paper inside. I don't mind visiting a toilet if I am a guy because I can just stand and pee and leave once I am done.

Our first time taking a bus ride. That was the bus ticket. JW said it cost $1 but from the looks of it.. it seemed to cost $8.. in THB of course!

We took a boat over to this place to walk around.. it turned dark quite early there and it was already nightfall by the time we were almost done walking. There was a lot of Japanese restaurant and I was really craving for a ramen! Boohoo... I cannot eat.

My journey back was quite bad too.. but still better than when I was travelling to BKK. At least there was no dip in altitude. When the captain announced that we were 30 mins to landing in SG, I felt so happy. For the first time ever, I do not dare to look out of the window (that was one of my favourite thing to do when flying). I kept asking myself when are we landing? My hands were clammy. Now I know how those people who are scare of flying felt especially so when they were forced on board. I almost felt claustrophobic when I looked at insides of the plane. It was so small and I felt so insecure and that I need to get out.

Anyway, before I end this post... I just want to share that I dreamt of deep fried chicken wings (oooooh... so crunchy), satays, chicken burgers, etc. Yum yum! I dreamt of all these when I was trying to sleep some nights back.

Good night!

Bag, games and relationship!

I had just met up with a friend of mine whom I have not meet up for months.

We still keep in contact even though we did not meet up and during which she was telling me how bad she was feeling and how someone made her so angry, so sad... Someone who just fed her with so many different emotions and feelings at once.

I still remembered the time she told me that she is not actively looking for a relationship and I didn't know that she was in one. She didn't want to say it over the phone as she prefer to say it personally.

That got me thinking, why must one be in a relationship with the other person just to find out whether are they compatible or not? Why not during the courting stage? Was it because during the courtship, everything was perfect? That one is able to overlook the other's disability during the honeymoon period? Or they are willing to go all the way of being the nice person instead of showing how they're really like during the courtship? That's why after the two are in a relationship, it means they can stop pretending who they are not and start showing their 'real' self. That also mean the 'real' problems will start surfacing and that is the test of their relationship. How much can each one withstand the truth of the other half and how much are they willing to tolerate each other.

Why can't the courtship be longer? To know one another better before entering a relationship? Is it because one doesn't know how long does the other take to accept and would like to move on to the next person? And the recipient doesn't know how long the other is willing to wait for them to decide hence accept the offer?

Sounds like one is debating whether to purchase the item that they have been waiting for so long. If they wait for the price to drop or for more reviews on the item then buy if there are a lot of positive reviews? However the longer they wait, there is a chance the item may be gone for good but if they buy to secure the item then to read that there are many poor reviews, then it's either you sell it or you just accept it and keep it - that is being positive about the item that others reject.

Sometimes I wish things could be much simpler. Love is love. There is no lies, no secrets, no hate, no betrayal, no 'not being serious' or 'I'm just toying with you only' kind of love. No 'I love you but I love another as well'.

Anyway I think one should give a second thought when they wish to just play with another innocent person's feelings especially when they are taking away the other's first time of everything - first relationship, first kiss, first date, etc. they ought to be ashamed of themselves.

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Anyway I went high and low looking for a nice bag to bring with me for my trip to Bangkok this Friday. I had Porter in mind and first thing was to the outlet at Wisma Atria. The staffs seemed reluctant to attend to me, maybe because I was dressed quite shabbily? Like a backpack - it's Herschel ok!, a pair of Havaianas flip flops, a pair of shorts and a tee. I didn't bring spare clothes with me when I stayed over at my mom's. It was only until I reached out to take a bag then one of them came to me. It was a bad vibe already. Anyway they did not have what I want and so I just left the shop. Went to Isetan to take a look, scoured Takashimaya for Kate Spade (they are having sales up to 50% off. Pity they do not have stock for my baby bag. I love their baby bag for it is big and nice!), some other outlets and ended out leaving the place empty handed.

Returned to ION and tried the Kate Spade outlet there and was disappoints again. Next door was Agnis b. The lady staff was extremely helpful, she showed me a lot of bags and I really want to buy one from her because of her good service. Unfortunately I did not because the bags that caught my eye couldn't fit my iPad. :(

The service I received from her was the total opposite from the one at Porter, Wisma Atria.

I didn't want to return to Porter at Wisma and so I searched online for other outlets and found one at TANGS! The service was a lot better than Wisma too! Why huh? The guy was extremely helpful and showed me some bags that fit my requirement and told me how new, what they had, etc. only thing is.... The bag that I like was the last piece and that's the display set. The guy's colleague told me that she had placed it on display just today only, which maybe she's telling the truth, maybe she's lying just to 'assure' me. Anyway the last piece had a minor defect. The threads came off a little by the side of a small pocket which I could just sent it back for servicing since it is under a 6 months warranty. I will take a picture of it another day. Just too lazy to unwrap it from the wrapper.

So when I got home, I realized that I'm going to Bangkok and I should have just bring my old Adidas bag instead of my brand new bag! That's when I really feel like hitting my head. I just did an impulsive purchase while forgetting where am I going to. I just need a new bag that's all and I can always buy it later. Sigh.

My only consolation was I managed to buy Dragon Age Inquisition on Xbox 360 (to balance the world and to carry forward what was left behind in DA II. Like the king of Ferelden, etc) and Assassin Creed Unity on PS4! I can't play them yet because I will be leaving for Bangkok on Friday and tomorrow is quality time with my mom and dajie with two cute nephews! Sad sad sad!!

Unfortunately there is no stock for Lego Batman Beyond Gotham. My lego video games are all in a mixture of Xbox 360, PS3 & 4. Not uniform in terms of platform, my trophies and achievements are everywhere!

The Importance of Money $$$$

I had forgotten to bring my money pouch along last week and borrowed $20 from my colleague. Here's the breakdown of my spending in a day.

Fried carrot cake $4.30

Orange juice $2.10

Curry puffs 5 pcs for $2

So I was left with $11.60 at the end of the day.

Decided to buy Don's pie back home to eating I wanted to buy two of them. At that time, I was already trying to think how does the pie cost.

Per pie is $5.90

Two pieces will be $11.80

Argh!!!! I was just $0.20 short of having two pies! And they accept Nets or cash only but no credit card!

Bought 1 pie $5.90

Went to macdonalds and tried my luck by ordering medium fries. I wanted to get the large fries however with just $4 in my pocket, I don't want to over order. The staff over the counter asked me whether do I want to upsize my fries to large fries at just $2.90? I can't really remember how much did he say the large fries cost however I know that the two purples colored notes are enough to cover the cost and I get my change too.

That was the day when I learnt the importance of money and really feel for families/people who have to really think very hard when it comes to buying something or anything that is not a necessity.

Things ain't cheap and they cost money. And looking back at what I'd spent, $20 was gone in a day. We are too used to having money in our pocket that we tend to overlook the actually cost of the item. I can't imagine a pack of fried carrot cake cost me $4 at least and it wasn't enough to fill my stomach hence the extra spending of $2 for curry puffs that wasn't delicious and was about the size of my fist or maybe smaller! Spent $2 on orange juice... Goodness! I could just stick to plain water eh? It is free and it is good for my body.

I think the only time when I actually think about spending my money is when I am thinking of buying an item that cost more than $600 unless it's Xbox or Playstation then... That can't be helped. Sometimes the price is too little that we tend to overlook it but if we are to look at the actually cost the we will realize how much we had spent and then wonder whether is it worth it.

It is the little things that adds up. Eating at restaurants eh? You'll feel a little bit of the pain because it is at least a two digits figure. I like eating at those hawker centers where you can get really cheap food and they tastes superb! And I meant really yummy! They have this special taste that you cannot get from food court. Just imagine paying $2 or maxmimum $3 for two meat and one veg? Or the economy bee hoon with two items and costing you no more than $2.50? Almost impossible right?

I always envy some of my colleagues and friends who bought those food that has that unique taste to it. I just found out Teban Gardens has this bee hoon that is exactly what I want! Just that it is too far for me to make the trip down. :(

No matter how much you earn, you need to understand and know how important money is. You need to note how much the item cost instead of just paying for it blindly just because the value is too small to care. Of course ain't asking you to be a miser as well..... ;)

I had once tried to calculate my spendings for a day and realized that I spent most or almost all of them on food. How about you? What do you spend on?

Another random rambling.

Life is a funny thing. 

We born, we learn to see, to smell, to touch and to feel. We also learn to walk, to talk, to build memories and our bones grow so we'll be taller. 

We learn things through the news, the internet, through school and at work. We will go through all the ups and downs of life.

As we grow older, we will see people around us falling in love and we do too as well. People around us getting married and have kids.

Then we grow old, we see our friends growing old too, maybe some have illness and maybe even attend their funerals. We stopped walking, talking, lose our memories and our bone starts to shrink and we die.

It is like a graph chart.. Think of it like a bell curve/normal distribution. Or simply put a roller coaster ride. You rise and grow so fast with life passing everyday like a zip... zip.... ZIP! The thrills, the highs and the fun. When it starts to end, you'll feel the decline. You'll feel that it's coming to an end, you rest.

Anyway today I just saw something that happened and it made me wonder and feel for the people who went overseas to work. 

Be it for the people who got paid high money and be sent overseas to work but more for those who have to go overseas to work in order to support their family back home.

Having to adapt to life overseas, the different culture and especially leaving people closest to you behind is especially difficult. Having to find a place to rent and doing it again after your lease ended and is not extended. So adapting to not just the lifestyle but to the housemates as well.

Missing homecooked food and the company of your family and friends. Missing the local foods in your own country. 

Worse is if something happened at home and you're stuck overseas, unable to return home. Have to wait for embassy to open on weekdays or if you can't apply leave from work to fly back. Or the air ticket is too expensive and you can't afford to fly back. Or no air ticket is available at all. Or waiting for your passport/work visa to be extended which in some cases can take months. You are just stuck here, helpless and can't do anything except to get updates from people back home.

It is unthinkable should anything happen to my family even if we are all staying here, being overseas is worse.

You are alone and although there are friends and work colleagues who are supportive but the feeling is different when you're with your family.

I pray for my friend and hope she will be strong. She had been through a lot and now this. She's a survivor but when one carries too much weights, one will also collapse from exhaustion. This is a test for her and I hope she will pass it with flying colours. 

出殡的除夕

I had wanted to stay over (守夜）on Saturday however changed it to today, Sunday instead. Partly was because the cortège's (出殡) timing for his cremation was scheduled at 830am and the funeral services will start from 7am. I do not want to overslept and miss it instead.

Here I was accompanied with two of my nephews and we just tried to find things to do to keep ourselves awake and busy. Can't rely much on electronic devices because of the limited power source. 

Today when I first woke up, I really do not feel like doing anything. I do not feel like going to the funeral too. And as I sat on my bed and browsed through my Facebook, tears just started forming by itself. I guess it took me two days to register the reality. And today's ritual was by another group of monks and it was longer than usual... Which I am guessing was due to tomorrow and that made me even sadder. 

I told not many but a few close friends of mine about my grandpa's demise and I guess after a while, I just stopped telling the rest because the responses are the same and I do not blame them for it was from all different individuals. They care and are concern about me but I'm tired of telling them the same thing.

I do wish that there is someone beside me throughout the whole services. Someone to give me the needed supprt. Someone who will stay beside me in case of anything. Especially tomorrow. Just someone.

Anyway I know that comes tomorrow, as much as I would like to cry buckets.. I will still hold back my tears as much as possible. For I will try not to cry. For I will not show my grandpa how sadded I am.

I just wish that he will come to my dreams on the 7th day to say hi. 

R.I.P Yeye

Got a call from mei asking whether have I seen the message in my phone, which I replied with a no. Then she told me, yeye (my grandpa) had passed away. Barely had time to register the news, I could still be logical and asked her to call in work first thing tomorrow to apply for compassionate leave instead of reporting to work first. On my end, I'd dropped my boss a message informing her about mine. 

Yeye seemed to have difficulty breathing since yesterday and he's finally letting go today. Since two years and more, he had been in and out of the hospital for fever, lungs not functioning, fell on the floor, fainted, etc and he was always released from the hospital because he had gotten well. Although it was painful to see him not recognizing us and slowly he became bedridden and later no response from him after we greeted him every Chinese New Year and some other events when we will see him. I am selfish to say that I want him to continue living because I don't want to let him go yet. He is my remaining grandparent and I am not ready to let him go. He was strong and he had held on for so long. On the other hand, I also want him to leave peacefully like grandma and at least do not have to suffer anymore. 

So with the constant in-and-out of hospital and was still well, I kinda took it for granted every time my cousin informed us that grandpa was admitted to the hospital again, he will recover and be home again. 

I remembered my grandpa. I always remember seeing him in his workshop trying to fix something. He was a strong man for someone of his age. And when I tried talking to him, he would laugh at times, though I'm not sure at what. We were like the chicken and duck talk (a Chinese idiom 鸡同鸭讲: meaning two person not understanding each other. Usually used in language breakdown). He speaks Cantonese and I don't. So many dad have to translate for us always. 

I've tried learning Cantonese but I don't use it on a daily basis so I can't pick it up except for asking whether have he eaten, was it good, was he full, how are you. That's all but he seemed contented with these sentences.

He was a hardworking and was a honest man. He built his company himself and even due for retirement he still stayed on until he can't. Rest in peace yeye. 

Time to start giving.

This new resolution of mine came 30 years late but I guess it's always better than nothing. ;)

It all start with this ice bucket trend and suddenly people from my workplace are doing it too. I'm not against it but I feel that if you're going to do this, perhaps you ought to take the time to read and under what is ALS. In Singapore, we term it as Motor Neuron Disease. I feel that it is quite a scary one too. I mean it doesn't happen overnight but gradually. Losing the abilities to touch, feel and move one by one.. It's almost like being a sitting duck, waiting to die and et you can't do anything to stop it. It take a very strong mind to actually be positive and try to live life to the fullest while your body slowly wilted away.

So anyway, doing the challenge is to create awareness and it's not doing it because of the trend and because it's fun nominating others. While doing it, did one actually make the effort to do their part by donating money to the organization? It not necessarily has to be the ALSA but it can be one of the local organizations too. I guess seeing them doing it for fun kind of fires me up. It made the whole meaning wrong.

So as I was saying, I got riled up and posted something in my Facebook with regards to this. Some of my colleagues were asking, what's with this ice bucket thig and what's ALS when I said its to create awareness for ALS. Which I had to explain to them what it is. And I was reading up on an article where there's one such non-profit organization in Singapore called Society for the Physically Disabled that deals with ALS too. I decided to do something, make a donation... Which I have always been wanting to do but kept procrastinating because of cases where organizations were not honest enough.

The moment I clicked on the donate button, I was brought to this page where I was asked to select an organisation to donate to. And I saw a whole lot of it.. I must admit, I was surprised. I didn't know there were so many non-profit organisations in Singapore. And I must admit, I wish I had find out about it earlier.

So I made a promise to myself, to donate $100 a month to one difference organisation. Although the amount may not seem big but it's the thought that counts and it makes a difference. I have a few organisations in mind that I would like to donate to and now I can't wait for the month to arrive so that I can do my part and start donating to help them. I guess that's the best I can do.

I always believe in karma and I hope to accumulate some good karma to make up for the bad one I had created when I was younger. And it sure makes me feels better when I do something good. :)

How about you?

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On a different note. I have decided to continue on with my Japanese lessons. At least to get it to a reasonable level before moving on to French since I'd stopped both halfway. And also, time to do something about my studies... One thing at a time bah. :)

Just hope I have the discipline to compete all the above!!

頑張ってね！*\(^o^)/*

What a bump!

Found this little bump on me after knocking into a metal door last night.

I was quite surprised at how it looked like as compared to bumping onto the table edges.

I could feel that area - covered by the clot was slightly swollen.. Sigh. Time to do some rubbing.  

Just last Sunday I finally visited the doctor regarding my wrist for it has been hurting for quite some time.. At least a month I presumed. 

It happened just suddenly where I felt a slight pain on my wrist which I just dismissed it lightly. The pain gradually increased and just stayed at that. It caused quite a bit of discomfort especially when I was carrying my baby nephew or when I'm writing.

I was unable to bend my hand backwards to almost 90 degrees as my other hand neither can I bend it forward like an upside down 'U'. I cannot twist it left and right without feeling the strain on my wrist and every night I will feel the pain... Almost like having rheumatism every night. 

Until last Saturday or rather early morning where I woke in the middle of my sleep in pain. I tried rubbing / massaging my left arm only to make it worse. My hand felt numb and I couldn't even ball my hand into a fist. I felt very scared for the first time. Most likely was because I was sleeping on my left side the whole time.

I visited the doctor about my wrist and doctor said it was due to inflammation and muscle strain since it was only the wrist and the area around the bone (like a tiny bump - sorry I don't know what is that called) is affected. He asked me to reduce my typing and carrying of heavy objects if possible especially it is on my muscle hand otherwise the wrist will not heal. It is quite impossible since I deal with that on a daily basis but with extra care now (trying to).

So I have a muscle relaxant to be taken twice a day and another for inflammation to be taken once every 24hrs.

Can't wait for my wrist to heal!!

MSS

A quick update.

I spent my day off yesterday playing Murdered Soul Suspect, by Square Enix. The way I see it, it sounds like Murdered Sole Suspect because there is just one suspect and because it involves a ghost, so it became soul suspect. I had actually watched the gamplay on YouTube and saw the ending but his game fascinates me that it did not push me away from playing this game, instead I want to play it even more! I want to find out what are those collectables are, what is the story behind it, I want to play the game and experience it myself. This game pretty much reminded me of Heavy Rain, more of the feel. Maybe because Heavy Rain is also about a guy who has someone important and he was working hard to keep that someone. As usual, I am bad at putting it into words.. But both games actually drawn me to it.

I have always been a fan of Square Enix but on the Final Fantasy series and I had tried other RPGs they had published but I had always left them during the first quarter of the game and stopped playing totally. So when I see that MSS was developed by Square Enix, I was a little skeptical at first and that was before I see the walkthrough and boy was I blown by them!

A quick summary of the game. I  don't want to spoil too much of the story so I am keeping it short.

Basically it is about a murdered detective named Ronan who, in order to move on to join his wife, Julia into the light (think: Ghost Whisperer) has to find closure. And that is to find his killer which is also linked to the chain of murders of young girls. Along the way, you will find side quests with stories link to the artifacts you find and I tell you, is a must find, collect and see! The ending is not crappy and in fact, it was quite ... Different from what I had thought to be!

I love all the ghost stories and guess what? I started the game since 1pm and ended it around 1am with breaks in between of course. Like lunch, dinner and shower. So I am guessing that I spent about 10hours on the game itself. Complete with full trophies (played it on PS4) including the platinum one. Like Heavy Rain, completed the game and found all collectibles. :D

Curfew @ chalet

I tried checking out the meaning of "chalet" online and it is always associated with wooden house found in the mountains, for vacations or people on holiday uses. So why does the ones in downtown, east coast are called chalets?

And what is the purpose of chalets?

To me, it means having fun and parties in a house that is not yours while you paid money for it. For you to barbecue, gather, have fun and enjoy.

Do you associate it with hotels? I don't think so. Do you associate it as a peaceful and quiet place? I doubt so.

We booked one chalet at downtown.

I tell you, I have always avoided choosing a chalet as a venue for hosting something fun because they imposed a curfew.

One cannot make noise after 11.30pm, lights out at the barbecue pit after 1am.

So what fun is there? Will anyone stops having fun after 11pm? Usually the party, the games and the fun starts late right? Even if it bothers the other tenants, but it was supposed to be fun.

After 11.30pm, we were told by the security that the room so happened to be beside our pit was a long term tenant who had a heart problem and asked for our cooperation to lower our volume.

First thing, why would someone with a heart problem who needed their peaceful rest choose a chalet of all places? I don't get it. Shouldn't one be getting a hotel to get the rest needed? I mean, they have 24hours concierge, so should anything happen to them, they can get the required assistance almost immediately while the chalet office is closed, who can they look for?

Fine! If it is about the costs, then shouldn't the management place the person somewhere closer to the main gate in case of emergency, the person will get medical help faster? Mind you, our location was not very near the entrance. And of all places, the management placed the person beside the barbecue area with many pits! That doesn't make sense right?

Then while we were about 80% done, the lights went off! Seriously. It was like being in a military camp where we have curfews not to make noise and lights off as well.

All of my trips to such chalets were never once pleasant except for those private bungalows where it was very deep in and private chalets. No one came to bother us.

I think they should portray themselves as a day chalets where one can only have fun in the day and no activities at night. Barbecue pits can only be use until 10pm and no more barbecue thereon. No noise and everyone have to whisper. Games must be those quite games where no noise will be generated, such as the mime games, games on the mobile phones where no one will look up.

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Eli was down with fever yesterday and it was heartbreaking to see him sick. His lips were blue, his body.. You could see the veins (?) not sure what was that called where one is so cold that his body is turning blue.. He was shivering as well. his hands and legs were so cold. :(

He was more energetic in the day but comes night, his fever went up to a high 39 degree celsius. Sent him to the a&e after feeding him some paracetamol. The nurse took his temperature and it went down to 37.9 deg.

His fever seemed to go up and down. Hope nothing serious. :/

June's happening

Yes, I realized that it had been quite sometime since I last wrote and post some updates here. There are so many things that I want to write but what's stopping me is not knowing when that person will read my blog again. I mean she's like a thorn in the flesh, but nothing like a rose. She's like a ghost from the past but will never stop haunting you. She's like a spring, sometimes pushing sometimes pulling.

I want to share my cute nephews photos, their developments but I guess I will do that later.

Anyway my birthday had passed and just two days before my birthday, I met up with a girl friend who is always too busy for me but I can't blame here because she's busy working.

We had a great meal at 8 Stanley Street. Super love the fries because it was fried to golden and is crispy! Yums! Pity I did not take any photos this once because I was too busy catching up with her and enjoying our time together. Until the lights just went off and I thought they are closing for noon and will open again for dinner crowd or maybe they are just conserving electricity.

Suddenly someone was singing a birthday sing and I thought they were singing it for my girlfriend (she knows the people there)... And all of them turned to me. I was so surprised and did not expect it to happen. I was really touched. She was, I think the first to give me such an unexpected surprise. Never fail, on both my birthdays. She made me felt special. :) 

Tsk, to think none of my boyfriends had ever do that for me. Lol. Oh, except for one but I always foiled his attempts. Hah!

Anyway wrong picture posted here but look at the strawberry flower! Cool ya?

Anyway, I went to find a friend to do my nails. First time doing gel nails and it was fascinating to see her doing it. She's such a perfectionist and I wish I had look her up earlier. Picked this color and my friends were saying that it's too sweet and they ain't used to seeing such color on my nails or even to see me doing manicure! I'm already so excited to be doing my next design. :)

Wish I could just change it every week but I got to let my nails rest and breathe some air. Nice mah????

The one and only time when it rained the whole day heavily last month or two months back.see the clouds were covering the 'boat'? That was like, really cooling and that 'shiok' feeling. And now, we are relying on air con everyday. The heat is becoming unbearable and it hasn't rained for weeks!

The last it rained was sometime mid June? It happened in the middle of the night when the wind was so strong that it was beating against my windows and curtains were moving little. I could hear the wind howling, the sound of the rain, it was quite scary and it kept me up for awhile.

Many were asking whether have I moved to my new house yet. The answer is no. I am still trying to unpack my room to the extend that I had became a little too lazy and stopped packing. Can I just blame it on my baby nephew, who is just too adorable to play with? I had my display cabinet fixed up and began to unpack the smaller figurines.... And I was glad that I have not unpack the bigger boxes yet because I realized that I don't have much space for them. I think I have to custom-make a glass box for them and display them separately on the wall shelf.

My two prized warriors. If only I can make something like the Sephiroth in Square Enix, Tokyo. If you've been there, you'll know what I meant. I don't need a bed, I can just lie there. I was so tempted to just stay there looking at him but I did not because I felt shy and don't want to embarrass myself by doing something silly.

More stuffs. Spartans are still in the reach box. I wonder whether will there be a legendary edition for Halo: Guardians for XBOX ONE. I will most likely buy it, I think the guardians outfit is quite cool. That got me really curious, on who are they? Where do they come from? How will it continue? How about Cortana? Will Doctor Halsey program another Cortana? I'm not sure what to expect from 343 for Halo this time. Hope I won't be disappointed as I was with Halo 4. Maybe because it didn't turn out the way I want, maybe because they want to try something different, I don't know. Perhaps, because when I read the Halo novels, the Master Chief that I'd envisioned was different. He's strong, he's cool and he's emotionless. Like they were trained to be a robot so that they will be more efficient in battles.

I'm really looking forward to the Halo television series and hope it will really blow me away like the game. Not sure whether will it be available in Singapore.. :(

Treasuring family time.

I felt that I was lucky to be able to experience living with family, staying on my own in an empty apartment as well as in a rented room. It was a totally different feeling comparing all three. Although slight advantages are the landlord is either my friend or my supervisor. So I don't really experience the feeling of staying with a complete stranger in a house.

I will be moving back to my new house this Saturday. It made me starting to feel.. A bit reluctant. As part of me likes this freedom and part of me misses being together with my family.

Staying away and seeing my mom, my sis and nephews made me appreciate the time with them. Letting us catch up, wanting to meet each other, arranging outings. I quite like that.

There's some distance but there's some longingness as well.

Edited:

01/05/14

Funny, I was watching 2 Broke Girls, episode 22. Titled "And the New Lease on Life"

Although it was just a tv show but it really reflects well on life. Like my current life.

Caroline and Max, although had their ups and downs, even to fighting over stuffs, are not ready to give up living apart from each other. It is the being together that matters. No.. It's not a lesbian show by the way.

And it got me thinking, if you have fights with someone, perhaps at least once a month or even once every two weeks, does it make you want to leave that person to avoid future fights or would you rather have the fight and live with the person because you want to?

As in, sure there are fights but there are happy times as well. You can see the person (it can be really close buddies, partners, family) everyday even if you'll fight with them.

Not sure whether am I making any sense here.... It's just hard trying to bring through what I want to say in words.

I mean, sure there are fights but I'd still live with the person because I know I'm not ready to live without him. The companionship, being able to see the person daily, hugs, cuddles, watching shows, have dinners together are more than enough to allow me to overlook the fight part.

Sure I can adapt pretty fast and move on but do I want to move on without him? Am I ready to move on?

I guess these are questions I will ask myself.

龙和狗真的不合吗？

I have always heard of this saying - for Chinese zodiac, that those born in the year of Dog and Dragon will not get along. It can be siblings, relationship, etc.. I first heard that when I just dated a guy who is a Dragon. And I do not believe that because I believe it is the person's personality that decides whether the two people will get along.

We dated for 5 years and we broke up the end.

Then later, I dated another guy who is another dragon.

Somehow after 1 year plus, I am starting to believe in that saying. Is it true?

And a lot of it was about our pride getting in the way. That we are proud people. And we will not be in harmony. Will not be in step with each other.

Or is it because of things that had happened seemed to sway my opinions over to the other side?

I always believe that we can change our fate that we will not turn out to be like what they had said. That our relationship will not last because of our zodiac sign. That we will not get along. And they began to show the pairings of animals that are actually a match for each other.

And I began to wonder, is that why it happened? Because of our signs, that are wrongly matched? That we cannot be together for long?

Why is it that it is beginning to feel like a one way street?

Is it because we let our pride gets in the way that we don't communicate? Don't talk openly of our feelings towards each other?

Is there any good examples of couple with mismatch signs who are still together and going strong?

Realization.

I have always been thinking about what I want in a relationship. From my man. And I didn't realise it until now that what I want are simple.

I just want a man whom I will be proud to show off to my friends. And my man to feel the same way too. Introduce his cool girlfriend who plays video games.

(That sounds familiar.)

A man who is sensitive towards my feelings and I will do the same to.

I want a man who can feel at ease with my friends and participate in our conversations without trouble. And should my man brings me out with him to meet his friends, he will try to assure me he is still with me - if he understands me well enough, he knows why.

I want my man never to tell lies. Whom I can give my complete trust to. I know I can give him the trust he wants.

Our relationship to be so transparent that we have problem holding each other's phone or even using each other's phone. Because there IS no secrets between us.. Except for planning surprises.

I want us to be proud of each other that we will be spamming our photos on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. sharing our happiness with friends.

I want us to try everything together. Be it trying out new cafe/restaurant/pubs.. To name a few no matter what the distance is. To try out new things or even play sports together. To explore places together. To travel together.

Although I don't have the habit of wearing a ring. But if my man really wants to let people know we belongs to each other. He will want us wearing a couple ring. (Maybe?) or splash our photo on all his profiles to tell people.

To be ready to move on (not marriage) and stay in a committed relationship with me.

One who plans and not know nothing. For I know I will plan too.

I guess a lot of people don't know that.. Lying is the worse thing in a relationship. One lie (unless it is a white lie just to plan something but not lying just to meet people) can really cause a crack.

You can repair a wound but you can never remove the scars.

But is there such a person? Someone who does not cheat and lie. Do such a person exist?

You can't judge a book by its cover

First off, thanks J for your comment. :)

It was really good seeing your comment. Hope you're doing well over your side!

Been wanting to post some photos but I'd decided to wait till I buy my own MacBook.. Which is when I'd move back to my house. Renovation is almost done (finally!) and I guess the part that I'm dreading most is the cleaning and unpacking part. Luckily I'd managed to get a few close friends to help me out!

Anyway a close friend of mine just told me a something that made me wonder..

Why is it so easy to cheat and so hard to keep a relationship floating?

If one person felt that they can't contribute anymore.. Why not just ask to end things amicably before moving on?

It felt like.. A person who felt complacent enough to move forward while still pulling onto the rope. So they still can return back should things go bad?

The person whom I see was the least likely to do it did it.. And the person whom everyone saw as one who will most likely do it.. Did not.

Guess that's where we start judging people. That also made it easy for those with the 'clean' face to do whatever they want because the people surrounding them will not have a clue nor believe they are the one who is being unfaithful.

Why do people do it in the first place?

Especially so for those who are married and worse, have kids!

This whole thing just made people lose faith in relationship. That should they be in a relationship again, they'll tread lightly and most prolly will not take it seriously. Which may end up hurting the other half.

If a person who wants to be in a relationship, should think about what they want first.

However, guess for some they will only know it after they have their fair share of fun.

Or maybe love just cannot be denied. Once you are attracted to that person, you just want to be with them. But as easy as it comes, the feeling will go away as well. And that's where the whole cycle starts.

Maybe that's why some of the people around me are single with no intention of getting attached. They feel that a relationship is too troublesome. They like their freedom and being single. Of course they don't fool around.

Sigh.. What happened to my friend.. Kind of affected me. Coz he's my good friend and he has that face that people will associate with bad guys. Yet, he's not that type of person.

It kind of sucks.

Unhappiness Level 6 of 10

I think that level is pretty high.. which means I am a very unhappy person.

I am not sure why. Seemed like... nothing can make me happy nowadays.

Is it because of work? Or is it because of life? Or myself?

I don't know. Maybe I need to take a break. As in, go for a really long holiday.

I am planning something right now and I am really saving up for something good. And I am looking forward to it.

So, I should be happy right?

But I am still not!

Why?

Have I reached towards the degree where I am going to turn into a grumpy old woman?

Just imagine that. Wearing old woman clothes, waving my cane at little children who walks past me. lol (that's a small lol because the laughter has no sound).

Do I have a high expectation of myself?

Of my partner in a relationship?

Of my life?

Expectation where I just cannot achieve hence it is making me unhappy?

Call it excuse, somehow, all these unhappiness is making me walking around aimlessly. And it is affecting my studies. I have lost all motivation to study. From day 1 until now, the time and effort put into my academic matters - 10%.
I used to look forward to school because I have friends there.
Now, I am alone in school. I need a study partner. Someone to study with me. Seriously.
Maybe I am just wasting money.
I did not even bother enrolling for the UK lectures, neither did I even try to study for my upcoming exams in May.
Hell, I don't even feel like taking the exams papers.

That sounds like, I am giving up huh.

Even my all time passion & favourite, video games. I am losing interest in them now. Time put in - 10% as well. I will picked up my controller and played the games for awhile and stopped while I can play them the whole day long.

A lot of people are telling me that I need a break from work and school.

I thought this year will be a better year for me.

Yet I was wrong.

I thought I can leave the past behind.

Yet, the past caught up with me.

I thought I could study better this year.

I did not study at all.

Maybe I should not even start this school and study shit.





During my two days MC due to sore throat, my back started to hurt a lot. That was the first.

The back hurt so much that it affected my right thigh.

Hurts so much that I couldn't sleep properly. My 2 days of rest became no rest at all.

Hurts so much when I was standing / sitting / walking / lying.

That I was thinking, Someone, please kill me. I don't want to go through this kind of shit.

Then, suddenly I was thinking.. I have nothing to lose.

I am just living my days, day by day. Just earning money to pay for bills only.






Seeing friends I love had changed. They found a partner they love. Some are getting married soon. Some, enjoying their partner's company. They are well taken care of.



Sigh.


Maybe my mood will be better after my holiday trip. One and only this year.

To think, two years back, I was on holiday tripS.

And 4 years back, I had the most memorable trip with my TP.

And 6 years back, I had my first and sponsored trip with Mr Tan to my first Gameshow.


Then last year, it was a year full of downs.

This year, another round of downs?




Maybe I just need to find myself again.

Sigh.




Sorry for the nonsensical ramblings.







I hope, life will get better. Full of happy things.

Where's unikitty when you need her?




Think I'm feeling demoralised now.

Sad?

Of what is going to happen next?



On one hand, I am looking forward to the completion of my new house.

On the other hand, I am not because I know what is going to happen next.

3am

It is 3:48am now and I can't sleep because of the many things that are running through my mind right now.

Old memories that were buried deep in the boxes were reopened and they felt as fresh as yesterday's.

So successful you're that it really made me hate doing quite a number of things.

Shopping with you. Especially at Zara and H&M (thank god I don't shop there except for once out of desperation to buy something).

Hated entering the Mitju Store in Ion, I guess maybe that's why I steered away from that store every time I walked past it with you. Just bad memories.

Don't really look forward to certain dates...

Maybe I need to get some fresh air outside.. Which I should just do it right now.

Arghhhhhh!!! My 2014 is supposed to be happier than 2013!!! Why does it feels like it's back to square one?????????

How much does one deserves?

I was just wondering, how many chances does one person deserves?
If they kept repeating the same mistake that can be hurtful be it emotionally or physically.

Do they deserved to be forgiven after repeated mistakes?

Do they deserve many second chances?

Or the forgiving one is being too naive to keep forgiving them and giving chances?

I have always thought that once the person was caught committing a mistake, a big one that is hurtful enough to hurt people around them, they will learn their lesson and stop making the same mistake.

Some I've seen had really changed, for the better. Some, no. Even after some changes in their lives, they still can continue making the same mistake after a period of time.

When the person keeps repeating the same thing over and over again, should they be left alone, given up on and let them be? Or do they still deserve another chance?

It is like, a gambler. Who lost his family. Or it gotten so bad that he had his fingers chopped off. Will he still give in to his craving and gamble again? Or will they learn their lessons and stopped gambling?

I used to think that, the gambler who lost his family and later was given a second chance, would stop gambling for good and starts appreciating his family who forgave him and welcome him back home. However, what if he returned to gambling after months of good behaviour? Or what if, he has been gambling (small) behind his family's back?

Using him/his/he is just a general term for man, human. So it can be applied to both man and woman.

Will his family forgive him again should he seek repentance?

Or they will leave him?

That's just one example.

How many more chances should they get, or forgiveness until they change for the better?

Or that is just impossible for that is just the way they are.

Just human nature?

Or it is just their character? Weak and giving in to temptations easily?

Or just like what it was said, "A leopard will never change its spots"?

Sometimes I wonder, how many more times can I forgive the same person who kept repeating the same mistakes.

How many more times till I felt tired and decides that it's over?

Should I have stick to my resolve and stand up against the person?

What if the person, who will just say anything just to make the person happy, keep their hopes high up and yet, still do it again?

How about if a person who has been lying for countless times that, you don't know when are they telling the truth?

Just like the boy who cried wolf.

How does one trust the person who kept lying?




Today, I was thinking about my decision made last night.. I wonder, whether did I do the right thing? Should I not get soft hearted? Should I just stay firm with my initial decision?

Let time tell huh.... time had told me a lot of things, showed me a lot of things.. which I used to blindly overlook.. however, this time. It is different.




Sometimes, when a person asked for a chance, a second or third chance.. and when things were going well, they made the same mistake again. And again. Yet again.

And when they were caught, they tried to make peace. Asking to be forgiven again.

It sure made one felt that, the person does not cherish what was given. Does not appreciate the chances.

Do they feel that, there was nothing wrong in what they were doing? Or they knew and still continue doing it anyway? Or to them, it was something minor. Nothing harmful that will take someone's life?

So, when the last chance was presented to them. They took it and seemed to make good on their word not to stray to the outer path.

And they did it again.



Another chance?

When they felt that what was happening to them was real, that they are really losing the people around them, they felt.. worried? And wanted another chance. Again.


Would they really make use of this chance to do good? Will they really change for the better? Will they really appreciate what was given and swore never to step out of line again??

I guess, no one can tell.

Only time can tell.

However, whatever trust that they had tried so hard to build... is gone.

Even if they try to rebuild it, even the smallest ounce of crack will still be there. That crack, will crumble easily by the touch of a feather.






Perhaps, if the person who has been so forgiving, should just walk away and never look back.

Ready for parenting?

Before you start assuming that I'm getting married and settling down.. Nope. I am not.

It just came as a thought.. with what I saw on parents behaving with their child.

Yes, some may think that a parent is irresponsible by working and leaving their child in the care of their helpers or their parents.

Some may think that to have a child means going through their child's development, watch them grow, guide them and teach them.

If the mom works and the dad is a stay home dad, does that makes the mom an irresponsible parent?

How about it is the other way round? Stay home mom and working dad. Does that means dad is irresponsible?

Or both stay home and watch their child?

Who brings home the bread then?

No matter either one has to work.

What if, he/she is not earning enough to support the family?

Then both have to work to keep the money coming right?

So, who will look after the child? The grandparents.

Now, that leads to more questions.

Deceased? Senile? Dementia? Sickness? Old age? Inability to look after the child.

Who then?

Helper.

Some may think then, if the parents are earning enough to hire a helper, why not stay at home and look after the kid then?
Average salary of a helper is about S$450/month.
Levy about S$120/month if you meet the levy concession.
So per month, you are paying about S$570 a month for a helper to look after your house and child.

So assuming the total salary of both parents adds up to S$6000 a month, you are left with about S$4800 after deducting the CPF. (At this point I'm not sure whether did I get the figures right because I can't seem to get back my $6000 if I add the 20% back.)

S$4800 minus the following:
PUB: $200
Grocery: $500
Mobile Bills: $86.70 (this is based on the lowest plan with just Caller ID)
TV & Broadband: $53.79 (this is also based on the lowest Broadband Plan and minimum TV channels)
Balance: $3959.51 to last for the month.

BUT! That does not include the following:
Renovation Loan / Housing Loan / Income Tax / Property Tax / Parents - if they require special healthcare treatment / Child's Healthcare - which is very expensive / Birthday Parties

And if both grandparents are healthy, one of them is helping to look after your kids or not, you have to give them monthly allowances right? So, minus helper of $570 and give parents $1600 (4 of them. 2 moms, 2 dads).

How about diapers / milk powder / education fund / insurances for the whole family? Savings for rainy days?

No car, so you will be taking public transport. Cab is still the most convenient mode, but if you want to save on transport, take bus/train. Those who actually travels on these two mode of transport, you should understand how taxing it really is to bring a child on pram on board.

Do the math.

Unless one parent is earning that much, then yes, one of them can afford to stay home and even hire a helper to tidy the house.

If the parents are aware that they can't spend quantity time with their kids, then make it quality.

If you think otherwise, please share.



To me, being an irresponsible parent is:
Smoking while the kid is in the house / near you / breastfeeding
Drinking alcohol while breastfeeding
Drink and get drunk and mess up the house / turn violent / verbal abuse
Partying and ignoring the child. Just leaving them to their helper / grandparents to care for 100%
Not understanding the child
Not being patient with the child - which brings you back to understanding the child for they can't speak, hence they can't express themselves through words which means you need to use your heart and not your mind to feel what they want or do not want.

If you are feeling your temper working up, do not vent them on the child for they are still innocent, do not vent them on your family for they did not make you angry, just walk away. If you need to let it out, just let it out on a boxing bag / pillows / whatever it takes to calm you down.

Once done, go back and apologise for whatever you had done / displayed.

Verbally / Physically abusive towards family and child

Having a child is a commitment. They are not there to decorate your family. Showing how happy you are on the surface but how ugly things get beneath. It should be happiness on the surface AND beneath too.



I can't think of more.

I just feels that, communication is very important. As well as mutual understanding - before having kids, agree to dos and don'ts. Mutual respect even for the kid as they adore you / they are human beings.

However, communication do not happen during before marriage / childbirth and stopped after marriage / childbirth. There should be daily communication.

Saying these are easy, for they are just words. Making them work isn't.. hence that is also why you need two hands to clap, two beings to make wonder, two hands to tie a knot.

Should not pent-up feelings. Expressing gratitude / appreciation / etc.

Make each other feel good by saying nice things - how good looking they are / how much they love them / etc.
The moment you said something unpleasant like how stupid you are, that is already bring their morale down. And if you really love someone, you wouldn't say that to them.

Should not follow the standard cycle of courtship, marriage , children if you are not ready.



Sigh, what I'm seeing right now is like, things are just back to square one. Making the effort going down the drain. Why? Why break something which you had worked hard to build?

I am sorry peps, for making this post sound like some sad posts. Wanted to write happy posts to share.. Guess this is something that I have been wanting to write.

And an anniversary of an old friend is coming up. That is going to be another sad post. Lol... Just want to dedicate a day for him.


Oh well......

................

...


I wonder who actually still reads my posts?

OH! Sorry for not posting regularly..

Just that, things happened last year which kind of concluded my 2013 was a very unpleasant year. This blog kept me hanging on.. but it also made me realise how terrible the internet can be. I wish to share happy photos and moments of my family and friends online with all.. but somehow, with just one person, that person just made me feel turned off and do not really want to post any photos. I'm not sure whether that person still reads my blog - which I hope is no longer doing that.

Many times, I really want to post everything, whatever happened out here.. but I did not. Why?

Too much thoughts.

At times I wonder, if someone who keeps telling you the same lie, assuring you of the same things but it turned out differently, how can one keep the trust, that assurance that it will not happen again when they said it will not this time - with stress on that point.

Guess one can only go with gut feeling. With the expectation that it will not. If not.. I guess that is the final straw. That should it goes down, the whole wall will simply break apart and there is no turning back.
Which is, crying over spilled milk.
Like a wound, that is recovering, but if the wound keeps reopening and is trying it hardest to repair, one day, sooner or later, it will just stop recovering and be an open wound that will never heal.


Why do one have to let things happen then they will regret what they had done?

If it involves a life, you break it.. you can never get it back.



Ahh.. my directionless rumblings again.





Why do some people talk more in texts than in face to face?
Why can't hold a discussion face to face but in text?
Why hold up? Why shut down? Why zip up?





I did not expect this post to be longer than expected but I guess when my fingers touches the keyboard, it just go freely.




I guess at times, one will reach to a certain point thinking about their life. What have they achieve?
That has always been on my mind. Constantly.

A friend told me that he set goals, any kind of goals and he set to achieve that goal for that year.

I tried that last year but I stopped halfway.

That did not stop me from planning my road.

Looking back, my road had many curves since .. secondary school.

A lot of plans, and I always walk the road that was unplanned.

I am still planning.

Still walking a different path.

Somehow, it seemed to get me a little closer to the route that I had originally planned when I was young.

I still remember telling a close friend of mine when I was just 16.

That I want to move out of SG and move to an 'X' country.

I am still not sure.

I am still walking.

Sometimes running.

Sometimes walking backwards but to a different path.

Sometimes, staying put.

The road seemed endless.

That is not clear cut.

Road is still foggy, except for the path that is in front of me.

Sometimes I will walk out from that path and wandered elsewhere. Think: Forest.

Look / admiring / distracted.







Oh well, I shall end this post with the song that has been running through my head. That never fails to keep me smiling. Never fails to keep my spirit up. I may have shared the song before.. but I'm sharing it again. It may not be 3am now but it is still time to sleep. Which I can't sleep yet.

It is the beat. Must be the beat of the song that keeps me up. :)