My baby's got a secret

While we were waiting for our food to be ready at Mac's drive-thru, I remembered that although my father was a very strict man especially when it comes to his precious car - no eating rule but sometimes he will bend the rule by allowing us to eat Mac in his car. I wasn't sure whether was he worried that we will drop our food in his car but yah, sometimes he will show a side that was rarely seen.

I've bought my new phone! Yes.. I'd settled on the iPhone 5. The whole day I was asking everyone which phone should I get - iP 5 or Samsung SIII and I guess some of them were sick and tired of me asking that they don't bother replying me. Lol. I had wanted to get the SIII initially but they were out of stock! After playing with the iPhone 5, I had come to a conclusion. That is, iPhone and Blackberry functions are almost the same! Only difference is iPhone has more apps for the user and other than that, the functions are pretty limited as compared to an Android operating phone. As for the Blackberry phone, it loses out on the apps maybe because of it's processor. I'm not too sure. There are always pros and cons in phones. You have this this this in phone X and that that that in phone Y and something else in phone Z but you wouldn't have this that and something else in ONE phone. Anyway I'm still trying to get use to using an onscreen keyboard and I kind of misses my Blackberry, especially the QWERTY keyboard.

Anyway we were in the car earlier and I was asking him about something that he had posted. He said it was secret.

Well, I was a bit bothered but I guess everyone has their own secret(s). Maybe I even have secrets of my own that I did not share with him. Like what father said, every couple will have secrets but it depends on the severity of the secret. As long as it does not harm the other person or threatens/harms the relationship between two person, it is fine with keeping that secret rather than sharing everything, keeping it bare. So as long as he wants to keep secrets of his own, I guess I'm fine with it as long as it is nothing serious or something that will affect our relationship.

Sigh, talk about posting photos, guess I will do that tomorrow when I'm free or on Monday.

Been rather tired lately, not sure whether was I tired mentally or physically.

Sharing this song with my faithful readers whom he said no one reads. I'm sure someone is reading this post as soon as it's fresh from the oven. :)


Sharing this song. A real classic and I used to listen to her cassette tapes everyday. Haha.

Time for a Change

I just heard the news, when I was having a break from my lecture today. It was definitely demoralising to hear about someone whom many people respect to appear on the news for the wrong reason. He, who made an effort to remember your name even though he has never work with you before, who stand up for his staffs and standby them. I wish time will fly fast enough for him to restart anew. I will wish him all the best and he is someone whom I will never forget.

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Okay, I lied. I said that I will stop posting anything related to him. I can't.

Last night we were looking through some of his videos and all three were still tagged with R. I must admit that I felt some tightness in my chest. And the comments there did not help. I know that those were taken 2 years back and it will be rather unreasonable of me to make him take it down right or to remove anything that has to do with any of his ex-girlfriends. He is not a 1 year old kid, he had his past, I had mine too. I just have to get this fact through my head - they are history, the past and he is with me right now. I am the present. Should he feel anything for them, I'm sure he will respect me enough to tell me and not repeat the same mistake he made the last round (not with me).

Something happened recently. We had a lot of talks and I guess one of it nearly came to a near breakup? Thinking through what he said, I guess I had to be more open minded with him. He asked whether was I like that in the past, I said yes. Actually... I'd lied to him. No.. I wasn't like that. Mr T could go to her house alone just to have lunch and I did not feel any jealousy because I had 101% trust in him. I do understand that I cannot keep comparing two people together for they are of different personality. I just have to trust him, that no matter how late he was out or to stay over at a friend's place, he will return home to my side eventually.

Someone from his past, someone whom he used to like and date contacted him suddenly. Yes, I was very upset and insecure and I couldn't shake that thought off - that she may want to reconcile with him since she had broke up with her longtime boyfriend. Yes, people make mistakes and sometimes one will change, sometimes not. One can be with the partner for many years, however in between, they can still do the same even though they stayed with the same guy because HE is the one she loves but there's also someone whom SHE may like. Maybe I had heard too many stories or maybe it happened to me once that made me doubtful that people will change. Like a friend of mine, he can still stay married to his wife for many years but he can still have numerous girlfriends.

He tried all he could to assure me that his heart contained me and just me only. I still felt unsettled especially since they were messaging each other almost on a daily basis. Even after he told me that he will stop messaging her just so that I will not feel uneasy, I still feel uncomfortable. Was he lying to me when he said that he did not message her at all? Part of me felt very tempted to see his phone to see if he was telling the truth or to catch a lie. However I will be slapping myself in the face if I kick up a big fuss if he did message her because I was the one who said  he can continue messaging her as long as there's no flirting. I have to learn to trust him. The messages I saw before were all just how I would talk to my friends as well. So I did not pick up his phone to see whether did he tell the truth last night and tried to stop thinking about it. I guess I just don't trust the girls around him, for they might want to flirt with him. I guess I have to have confidence in him, that he will stop contacting them if he realised that they are trying to flirt with him.

They said you will know if the person you are dating is "The One". I don't know if he is the one but I know he is special to me.

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Anyway I had wanted to post photos taken recently however it is quite late. It is already 02:04hr now. I shall do that on my free time and hopefully before the end of 2012!

This song has been playing over and over in my mind for the past few days. Sharing it with you! :)

And another song which B said was nice. Lyrics are quite meaningful. This song although was titled My Good Brother, it is also dedicated for my good sisters who stayed through my ups and downs and being very patient with me. For you, two special girls. :)

Annnnnnnnnnnd, I will be getting myself a new phone tomorrow! I am agonising over which phone to buy, Samsung SIII or iPhone 5???? Sigh... I shall see which fits better in my pocket. I'm sad to say bye bye to my blackberry but I am having a lot of problems with my whatsapp. My messages are always lost and it keeps restarting itself lately. :(

I am so sad to say bye bye to him (my bb) and I am definitely going to miss my full qwerty keyboard which makes messaging A LOT easier. Unless Blackberry will be having a phone with bigger inbuilt memory plus expendable memory, I do not mind staying with their phone. Sigh.

Blasted! B said not many people read my blog! Grrrrr!!!

It's all fated.

I'm kind of glad that I didn't get the place we had ballot for. I thought I will be very disappointed and sad (like when SIM rejected my application) but no, I was not.

So you're wondering what am I doing, still up at this ungodly hour. I couldn't sleep no matter how much I toss and turn. No one is awake at this time unless I'm talking someone overseas. :)

Anyway after hearing some stories, I guess it just made me decided to stand firm to my initial decision - not to get married. If a couple cannot stand each other after a certain years of marriage and decides to call it quits. Why do it now? Why not earlier? Why not try to make it work again? Unless there's a pull factor on one of the party or both parties to help them make the decision, the easy way out. That got me thinking, if I'm married or even if I'm not. I'm just in a relationship and I can't stand the guy I'm seeing anymore and there's someone who is trying to coming into my life. Would I have done the same? Nope. I wouldn't and couldn't. I don't know why but I just can't bring myself to do that. I won't be saying this if it hadn't happen to me before right? So I can confidently say that now but what if things change? A person change? What if right now I'm starting not able to stand the person? What if I feel that I have enough of that person? And a guy came into my life? Guess I will be standing at a crossroad then.

They said you'll be a very happy person if you met the right one. If you're with the right one. How would you know you've met the right one? Even the person who felt that he was with the right one, didn't turn out right afterall.

B said he looked older than his age and he don't want that. He wants to look younger than his age. I was.... Speechless. All the guys I know who are around his age wants to look older, more mature. Why would he want the opposite? I mean the person he's dating is not some 18years old girl but a 30 year old girl. Of course I would want him to look more mature so to match me right? He asked me to maintain and look young then. I can't believe my ears.

However, he made me realised what I want from my partner. I want him to be mature, have a good job with progress, to think far ahead, to do it with action instead of just putting words on his mouth. I dislike the fact that he's doing the same job as I am. Why can't he find a job where the work experience he gain can be put to use? The reason why he took this job initially was because of the money because he was paying rent. He isn't now and we are not getting a house, shouldn't he use this chance to find a job? I really resent the fact that our day offs are different and unpredictable. Makes spending the day together difficult. I guess that's how Mr Tan felt when he was dating me and yet, he compromise with me for 5 years.

Anyway I told him that a girl at work likes him. He said to talk less and stay away from her since I'm uncomfortable with it. Somehow I guess he was just saying it to make me feel assured. Because when I was studying at a cafe near his workplace, it wasn't quite what I'd seen. So I decided to take a look at him phone (not behind his back) and came to that conclusion. I shall try not to be bothered by it however I hope he will not make me to do the same thing when something similar happened to me.

And I'd regretted studying there. Like they say, ignorance is a bliss.

He wants me to trust him. How to do that?

Maybe he's still young. I don't know. But I guess I have to come to a conclusion soon, when enough is enough.

Where's the welfare?

Today B was telling me that it's time for me to start looking for a new job because of my age. I'm not getting any younger.

That's when I realised that the reason why I didn't really look for a job then was because I don't have to worry about cash flow. I know that if I were to stop working, I can still lead a comfortable life.

And it got me started to think, why did B take up this job?

Why didn't he look for a corporate job like the others? They are working in reputable mnc organisations. Of course the earning is low but it's the experience. Why start hiss experience level with this job that brings you nowhere? Unless he has the intention of doing the same in future.

Starting to hate this job and the fact that he's working the same industry as I am. Long hours. Experience? Can't be applied everywhere. Pay? Need to work like a cow.

And sometimes being too dedicated in the job is no use at all! They will only take your goodness for granted and whenever they need help, the first person they'll think of is YOU! They will say "this person will help for sure! Will always help". And you will end up suffering. Suffering the longer hours. The shitty after closing duties. Fuck lah. If they are so short of manpower and still expand. That's exploiting the employees! In a sense that they are working longer than the stipulated hours provided in the guidelines. Wanna work the employees to death? Imagine working from 10am to 10pm the first day, 12 to 11pm. Wth?

What have you done so far?

As I was browsing through my facebook and looking at some of my friends colourful lives, it made me went green in envy. My life is as dull as it is, no more happening it seems. All the photos they had post made me want to do something exciting and to post it as well. However it seems like all I'd ever posted are just him and I.

I want to see the world, feel everything and experience things I have not experience before. My current job scope is very limited and all I've ever learnt are just one thing and I feel like I'm just a little frog in the well. Guess it's time to step out of my comfort zone and start going for interviews and all. Be thick skinned and accept rejections and just pull myself up to try again. As much as I'm saying this, I have no find the courage to move out. Time to do something for a change for 2013. Even my little friends are carving out their own world, their future. They are seeing more things than I am. Wish I could get a job like Mr Tan's, one where he gets to travel all the time. See and experience things.

I want to break free!!

Please give me the courage to take the first step!