Women's instinct...

I regretted that incident had to happen. If it did not, these would NOT have happen. And perhaps, I'll be one very happier person?

We have no similar interest, does that matter?

We don't talk like how I'd talk to my friends, covering topics or talking about just anything. Quite bad eh?

My instinct is still there, that feeling.

And the feeling to just end it all is quite as strong as well. Should I just end it all so that I'll be free?

Now the song from Lar'c En Ciel is playing, lifted my spirit up a little.
And after I'm done with his phones, he took mine. Which I'm fine with it for there's nothing I've to hide except for this blog post which I'd saved as a draft and was quite worried that he'll open my mail to take a look. I know, as much as I demand 100% honesty from him but this blog.. Is very much my soul saver. Which I don't think he deserves to see. Now when he saw me typing for a long time on my phone, I'd tell him that it is my diary - which it is indeed! He saw my twitter account and I do hope that he'll not add me in it. For twitter is my micro soul saver, when I do not wish to type such lengthy post but a short one..... He saw my past posts on twitter and some of which, was on my mind but not worth mentioning.
We shall see how it goes. Maybe it is too early to make a decision. I gave myself until October to see how things goes. Maybe it is too early to make our relationship known too. Should have kept it under wrap. He did not post much about us anyway like I did when we have dinner together or when he bought drinks.

I think this is the most painful relationship I've ever been in and at times, I found myself wondering, that why am I able to put my 100% trust on Mr Tan, why did I not feel insecure with him and why things are smoother with him. Why didn't things work out. Why didn't we try again. Then again, no point crying over spilled milk. But I'll still think of it now and then. And find myself, my feelings towards B (yes, his initials) drifting away, everyday.
Can I just have a man whom I can trust with no room of insecurity? Whom I know I can place 100% of my feelings in and will get the same returns no matter how long are we together? One who will treat me right and not flare up that easily no matter how silly I get. Whom I can speak my mind with and still get a response? Whom I can cover all topics from games to the weather to home affairs to world news? Or even to general knowledge? Where we will have a lot of things to talk about no matter what. How about one whom I feel that he can be my best friend, my lover and someone I can lean on? Someone who is not superficial?