Superficial or just sincere, plain love?

My apologise first if some of my posts seemed repetitive because I seriously cannot remember what I'd wrote and I am lazy to refer to the older posts for references.

Anyway I do believe that things happened for a reason. It can be anything. From enemies to friendship, from breakup to makeup, etc.

Met up with my friends today and they were asking one of the friend to quickly find a girlfriend and settle down because he has been single for too long. And I was saying that it is still alright for him because he is a guy and is in no hurry to find a partner since he is not the one who is giving birth.

And I'm sharing the below song. Young and Beautiful. Just listening to the lyrics, I guess most people could relate to that be it male or female. One tends to feel the insecurities of whether will their partner still be with them when they grow old and wrinkly while the partner is still young. I guess that is where faith comes into play and how strong it is.

Sidetrack a bit. I am currently on training for some backend stuff for 4 days and now I understand how my friends felt whenever I asked to go out and they would want to retire early because they were feeling tired. I could like feel sleepy by 10pm and still can't wake up even though it is 7.30am. And I could fight the ZZZ monster in the noon especially after lunch time. I had been eating quite a bit, like chocolates especially to keep myself awake.... Sigh. Luckily tomorrow is the last day but as my friends said, I have to get use to it.

Tears in Heaven

Today marks the 16th anniversary of a dear friend who had passed away. I could still remember clearly the night where we bumped onto each other, just before the incident. And the night where you appeared in my dream on the 7th day.

Never forgotten. Always missed. Take care my friend and hope you'd reincarnated into a good family and good life. Hope when we bump onto one another, I will have the ability to feel you there. :)

Anyway off to a special event!

Why?

I wanted to type something that I was thinking about while on my way home from work. However, something happened and now my mind is blank.

Sometimes events that were to similar to what had happened managed to remind you of the past.  As much as you wish to get it out and locked away into the deepest depths of your storage will surface magically. Like there is an inner you who is bringing up the files of the past to tell you "hey! This happened before! Look at this file, looks familiar?". It just made you think again, whether the route you have been taking firmly, confidently is wrong?

Made you wonder whether have you been trusting the wrong person?

Someone said this to me just last night, if a person has an opportunity to do the same thing again, that person will do it.

If the person had gambled before, lost all the money and now has a lot of cash on hand. What is the first thing that person will do? Will that person go and gamble? Or will that person just keep the money aside?

Maybe you can say that I am being naive for a person my age but I felt that if the person had learnt their lesson, maybe gambling had cost them their home or family or nearly lost their life because of that, I believe that person will not gamble again because of the painful lesson they had been through. Why would they want to have a taste of that again?

If a person had told so many lies and, same thing again, has the same consequences, would they want to lie again just to satisfy that habit of theirs?

If a person had cheated before, and that cost them their family and loved ones, and is given a second chance, would they want to do that again and cause pain to the people around them, the people they love and also live the guilt they would be feeling?

If I had been through one of these, yes, I'll feel the guilt and it will stay with me and be constantly reminding me of why I shouldn't do it. Why I shouldn't hurt the people around me.

I guess I was being too trusting, too confident that people would change for the better after something bad happened to them.

O-M-G! This is so cool!!

Ok, I must admit that I have never been a user of tablets. Hell, I could even do without a mobile phone for a day! So when I received this tablet as  a Christmas gift, the most I did was to remove the tablet from the box and chuck it aside.  It was only recently when I started using it after someone mentioned that I'm wasting the subscription for zero usage - for almost 5 months! Haha. So I decided to bring it to work and use it to watch my anime - Detective Conan and to play games. There's quite a number of games and I'm currently playing Blood Brothers. :D

Anyway I later realised that this tablet comes with a keyboard and plug in.... Ta-Da!! It is so damn cool can???????? *Excessive use of !* I'm using it now to type out this post while it is charging my tablet. Cool right? I'm only trying to get use to using the compact keyboard as compare to the normal keyboard but it makes typing so much easier! Now I feel a bit guilty for not using him - yes, my tablet is a 'HE' and I will make sure I will caress him as often as I can. I'm just so excited about it! Oh! Did I mention that while using the keyboard, instead of using the mouse pad on the keyboard, I could just do touch screen? Really great for one trying to get things done fast.

SEE! So cool right?

So I was going downstairs to buy food and was going through the back. I was stung by a strong odour and wondered where did it come from. I saw one of the guy using a spade to scoop the water out after they opened the door. I totally respect them for they are the ones to clear our smelly rubbish, bear with the super smelly odour and on top of that, to clear the super smelly water that comes from our rubbish. Imagine I could smelt it so strongly from a distance, what about them smelling it just right beside it? So who else want to complain that their job sucks? Or feels that they are too good for certain jobs? Or feels that they ought to be paid more? I would say, the guys in the picture job sucks but they are doing it, clearing up our shit, bearing with the smell, and imagine some inconsiderate person who would just dump rubbish down the chute without tying up the plastic bag properly or just dump their rubbish down without throwing them in a bag.... They should be paid more, they should be recognised, they should be given incentives or something. I respect and applaud to them.

Today is a day well spent with my TP!!!!!! Have not meet her properly for such a long time and she finally has time for me! Haha. It has been such a long time since we last took a photo together, I think the last time was during our trip in Japan?  Anyway I was glad that I took this photo. Initially I thought I could get her sister to help us take a proper one and nearly wanted to delete this photo since she intended to join us but I was really glad that I did not out of laziness because her sister did not come in the end.

I went to trim my eyebrows before meeting TP. Nice or not? Looks much neater now right? Next was to tidy up my nails! Haha.

We spent the whole day walking until I was feeling very tired. And we managed to get all my items as well as her counter. Tick tick tick! You better use it, TP! We looked high and low for it.

And another good thing that happened today was...... TP passed all her papers! I felt happy for her and I hope to do better so that I could pass my papers with grades like hers, except for the C of course. Hehe. Next year will be a tough one for me as not only will I be repeating all my papers but I will be taking on two more new modules so to not waste time. 4 years to graduate is very long, why make it 5? It will take a lot of discipline but I got to grit my teeth and deal with it.

May is coming to an end soon and it will be mid year again.. So what have you done so far? How have you progress so far?

Mine was meaningful I guess. Like the stock market, it crashed early year and is slowly picking itself up again. Rocky start but climbing up steadily. Took my end year exams and failed, got my morale so low that it just felt sucky. Planned something special and hope that it will go smoothly to mark the end of my first half of 2013 and welcoming the second half of 2013.

Thanks to a friend who is concerned enough to share his experiences with him, how to deal with my financials and all. About setting a goal and work towards it. I will try to do that, thanks pal. :)

Dear readers,

It has been really humid lately so please remember to drink more water ok?

PS: Master Keigo, I know your mini competition is coming up but please do not wear yourself out alright? Otherwise how are you going to find the energy to kick people's butt?

What is this that I'm feeling now?

Why did God create humans to be such complex creatures? Why can't we just have a simple mind like the animals, love the family, source for food, protect the members, ...? Why do we need to make something so simple yet complicated?

Sometimes I wonder what do I really want to do with my life. No longer young and still directionless. Which is not a good sign. Why do I exist then? I wish I was born a butterfly, a bee, a worm, etc. Where life is easy, just fly, eat, sleep and be eaten. Die and reborn again as something simple so that I don't have to worry about money, studies and life. Now I understand why some people commit suicide. I used to think that they are silly people, for choosing the easiest way out instead of facing up to their life difficulties, no matter how difficult life is. Or maybe my very optimistic outlook has faded as time goes by? I feel that I am no longer as optimistic as I used to be. Why? What happened? Maybe life used to be really simple as compared to now. Maybe because of the path I took, I'd walked.

Anyway last Friday was my last paper and it was horrible. I am prepared to repeat a year. It has been so long since I last attended school and I am still trying to get use to the feel of studying. I am toying with the idea of switching to full time studies instead of part time. However, I did not because of financial issues. If I am to quit my job, how am I going to afford to pay all my bills? How am I going to pay for my school fees? How am I going to pay my expenses? Even if I am to take up a part time job, it can barely cover any of the above.

I was studying in Republic Polytechnic's library - which is a very different concept as compared to what people has in mind where library was supposed to be a very quiet place right? Not over at RP. There are cafe in the library, there are live music by their bands, there are students playing the piano the whole day. So their library is not quiet at all. Quite the place I like to be in, where there are tables and chairs, no food or drinks, and soothing music in the background. I LIKE! I don't mind going there to do my revision on my day off, even if it is an hour ride from my place.

I was there on two nights and would stay until the library closed at 9pm. Every evening, there will be this person playing on the piano, playing a song and it was very soothing. On the first night, I was very curious to see who was playing it because the pianist would stay until the very end. As tempted as I was, I did not go up to peek at the pianist for I do not want my impression of the pianist to be negative. Heh. The tune kept running through, repeating itself automatically.

On the second night, I heard it again. The same pianist for the same songs were being played on the piano. Again, until the very end, when I was leaving the library, the pianist was still there playing. I was looking at my facebook and saw someone posting a song for his girlfriend and out of curiosity, I went to listen at the song. I went O.O!!

That was the song I heard at the library!!!!!

Enjoy! :)

Not having enough rest the day before your exams doesn't help

Yeah, I was desperately trying to complete my revision for Statistics that aside from studying the whole day, I even woke up early at 4am in the hope of doing some last minute revision. Memorising the formulas and everything seemed to be going well.

While on the way to the exam hall, I fell asleep on the bus. I didn't realised how tired I was.

 Looking at section A, I was quite confident that I will perform well as planned. By the time I was halfway through, I noticed that I'm left with an hour to complete section a and to complete two full questions with heavy marks in section b. Panicking, I tried to rush through section a and move on to b, by then I was left with 30 mins.

My brain was suddenly blank and I nearly cried with the fact that I'm going to fail two papers. Those that I'd learnt suddenly disappeared and I could focus. Guess I felt too stressed to continue any further. Was my brain overloaded with information?

 Haven't felt so stress like this before, not even during my poly years. Maybe it is the money factor, since it is quite costly to repeat a module.

Reached home with a heavy heart and finally I couldn't hold back any more and cried. Checked my notes on what I'd suspected was the right answer was indeed correct. Many marks were lost. Graph wasn't plotted. Points lost.

Sigh. Now just have to concentrate on my remaining two modules and not fail any more.

Just give me a reason to ...

I want to share this video. Go check out their lyrics.













Now that you've been talking to someone oh oh
Things you never say to me oh oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second that we're broken not bent
And we can't learn to love again




Funny how someone can understand you so well and still remember your likes and dislikes. And think of you when they are overseas and instinctively buy that something you like for you.

Or when talking to you, they could just tell what's on your mind and said it out and you'll go "That's what I'm thinking!" or "that's what I'm trying to say!".