It is a vicious cycle

Is this a test from God?

Why does he do these to me when he used to not do them?

Is it to see how long I can keep this relationship?

Every time we have a fight, a real fight or whenever he said to break up, I'd dug my roots further into the ground to hold strong, so that I will not topple easily. So that I will continue fighting.

However no matter how far in I'd dug, my trunks will weaken with every cut from the axe. As time goes by with more cuts than healing, I will break down eventually.

Until that, I hope the healing process will be faster than the hurt.