Saturday, October 13, 2012

Big step ahead

So it's done. We just moved the remaining of his items to my place. As you finished reading the sentence earlier, yes, B is moving over to my place.

At times I wonder whether is it happening to fast since we have been together for 3 months plus going 4. At times he can be really childish, at times serious and can be on my nerves. Things to be done at a different pace. I guess it is refreshing when his every action can be different. Like serious at times, playful at times - he can be really cute then. :)

My mom had her doubts at first and I too, considering our age difference. I guess if this relationship did not work out in the future, we also cannot really help it right? So what we can do now is to be together, make this relationship works. :)

I was quite worried about him not telling me the truth about anything, everything considering that he had done it before (lie). I would try to tell him if any of my ex-boyfriends message me, or if any of my friends are visiting me in SG. Only thing I'm not ready to tell is this diary of mine. I do not want it to come to a point where I can't even express my thoughts here without him knowing? Ah, that's sounds... Contradicting right? Where we are supposed to share our thoughts with each other. However, I find it hard to express as freely as what I am doing now.

Maybe I'm just worried that the constant worries, doubts and all will turn him away and made him love me lesser each day because he's tired of being asked the same question everyday? Anyway my doubts are definitely decreasing as in I'm not that much bothered when he's on the phone/facebook/twitter/whatever or if he's checking out HER, let's call her X, the girl whom he used to like and date when we were together in an open relationship. Oh yah, as I was saying, not so bothered if he check out X's instagram or his ex-girlfriends' blogs/facebook, whatever. Still sometimes I wish he would not close the webpage he was viewing so quickly whenever I was around. It feels like he was doing it intentionally.

And another thing I was quite bothered was, one of his ex-girlfriend became his good friend. I was a bit bothered by it especially when they had a photo taken together and he want to put it up on his photo frame along with the other photos he took with his group of friends or just with his close friends. I'm ok with it. However, if I'm in contact with a guy whom I used to like but did not date and we ended up as good friends, but no, I can't meet him. Why?

Anyway he disappeared for 5 years and so and just came back into my life.

The feelings I had for him had faded and now, I only care for B and love B only. Yet B said it's different because he had a relationship with her and I didn't and may want to try and fulfil it. What?? So I assuring him that I don't like the guy anymore doesn't work? And when I told him that my instinct told me a girl at work likes him, he told me not to worry because he doesn't like her at all. And he can talk to her and all. Why is that so? If he told me a guy likes me, I said the same and still talk to him, stand close or even to sit beside him, how would he feel?

Now, I don't really check out my ex-boyfriends, my fbs or even guys whom I used to like or like me. Because I don't want him to worry. Just avoiding unnecessary trouble. If he feels that it is alright to do the things he did, so I'm not wrong to feel that it is alright too right?

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